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    It’s How It Sounded

    | Iowa City, IA, USA | Language & Words, Teachers

    (I’m working on an article and am reviewing it with my journalism professor. We’re discussing a section where someone fires a rifle, where I wrote ‘Crack!’ to describe the sound.)

    Me: “Do you think ‘crack’ works for the rifle shot? Should I use a different onomatopoeia?”

    Professor: “No, I think that works. I like ‘crack!'”

    (Pause.)

    Professor: *speaking loudly toward the hallway outside his office* “I meant the sound, not the drug!”

    Yes We Quack!

    | SC, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Politics, Students

    (The first graders at the school where I volunteer are learning about the election process and voting. There are ‘campaign posters’ for their little mini-elections up and down the halls. Most of them say things like, “vote for [Student] because she is nice!” and ‘vote for [Student] because he makes right choices!’ Then I walked further down the hall and found this:)

    Poster: “VOTE FOR DUCK! VOTE FOR CHANGE! I AM A DUCK!”

    Not The Most Secure Method

    | NY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Students, Technology

    (Our computer teacher is discussing data security and how to erase hard drives. She knows I worked with computers in the Navy.)

    Teacher: “[My Name], you had to do this in the military, right? What was your method?”

    Me: “Sledgehammer.”

    Teacher: “What kind of software was… Oh.”

    Me: “Yep!”

    Immune To Reason

    | Concordia, KS, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Teachers

    (In tenth grade I missed a lot of school because of a weak immune system. This happens after missing over twenty days in two and a half months.)

    Teacher: [My Name], what can I do to make you come to school more often?”

    Me: “I don’t know? Make me not sick?”

    Teacher: “You should still come if you’re sick.”

    Me: “But… I have no reason to. I’d just be sent home.”

    Teacher: “I’ll bribe you.”

    Me: “With what?”

    Teacher: “I’ll buy you a coffee if you come to school two weeks in a row without missing a day.”

    Me: “Coffee makes me sick.”

    Teacher: “Juice?”

    Me: “Orange juice?”

    Teacher: “Sure.”

    (I got a cold two days later and never did manage to get a free juice.)

    Acting Bullish On A China Spot

    | UK | Bizarre/Silly, Geography, Students

    (This happens during a history lesson when we are meant to be working.)

    Classmate: “Isn’t something like one out of three people Chinese?”

    Me: “No, it’s one out of five.”

    (I look around the room at the other 30 classmates and narrow my eyes conspiratorially.)

    Me: *mocking seriousness* “It could be any one of us…”


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