• Don’t Be So Quick To Judge The Kick
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  • October's Theme Of The Month: Literally Illiterate!

    Don’t Be So Quick To Judge The Kick

    | Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Physical, Sports

    (At the time of this story, I am a red belt in Taekwondo, which is one step away from being a black belt. During this class, a new kid shows up with his dad to try out a few classes before doing any serious investments.)

    Teacher: *after warm-ups* “[My Name], pair up with Mr. [New Kid] while we do some kicking drills.”

    (I pair up with the kid, and my teacher explains how to do a proper front kick. After a few kicks, I notice the kid is getting sloppy.)

    Me: “Hold on. That’s not right. Be sure to re-chamber, and raise your toes so that when you kick, you don’t break them.”

    (The kid starts to follow my directions, and by the end of the class, is doing so well with just that one kick, our teacher is impressed. After class, I have to walk home. As soon as I walk out of the building, a man LEAPS out from behind the stairs of the patio and PINS me by the neck against the wall of the building.)

    Man: “Why the f*** did you talk to my son like that!?”

    (I recognize the man as the kid’s father.)

    Me: “W– What…?”

    Man: “You have the nerve to tell my son during the class that he was doing a kick wrong, and then you have the f****** nerve to act like you don’t f****** know?!”

    (The man is about to punch me, and I’m so scared and dazed that I can’t really defend myself. Before the man even makes it half-way, I see a blur of white, and find my teacher standing with her feet on top of the man’s shoulders, pinning him to the ground.)

    Teacher: “One: Do NOT EVER speak to one of my students like that! Two: She was helping improve your son’s kick in class. Three: You have just f***ed with the wrong teacher.”

    (The kid from earlier comes from a car and just stares as his dad flails around spitting out curses as my teacher calls the police. The kid acts extremely calm about this, and I wonder what’s going on.)

    Me: “Why are you so calm about your dad about to get arrested?”

    Kid: “This has happened before. This was his last chance to be nice about it and not try to kill someone about something.”

    (The police come in a few minutes, and after reviewing security footage and listening to our testimonies the dad is taken away. The best part? When we appear in court and the kid is asked to the stand, he says this:)

    Kid: “My dad was always overprotective. But this was never something he should’ve done in any shape or form. Personally, I think he deserves it.”

    Your Repo Needs No Redo

    | USA | Musical Mayhem

    (During my senior year of high school, I volunteer to stay after school to help out the theater department by painting sets for their next production. I’m a very quiet, unassuming girl who is well known for sticking to myself and not talking much and though I have no problems with the theater students, I only really have one friend in the group who knows me.)

    Theater Student #1: “Okay, I’m tired of listening to [local radio station notorious for playing the same handful of pop songs every hour or so]. Why don’t we put on someone’s iPod or something?”

    Theater Student #2: “Does anyone have anything with them?”

    Friend: “[My Name] has a book of CDs in her backpack. Our art teacher lets us listen to them during class because we got sick of the radio too.”

    Theater Student #1: “Yeah, but what does [My Name] really listen to? She looks like a Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus kind of girl.”

    (All of a sudden and with the best timing ever, my phone starts ringing. My ringtone is the song “Night Surgeon” from the hyper-violent musical film, Repo! The Genetic Opera, which I and many of the theater students are a huge fan of, and no one realizes it’s coming from my phone until I answer it.)

    Theater Student #1: “On second thought, I want to see these CD’s now!”

    Airy Fairy Science

    | OR, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Pets & Animals

    (My language arts teacher is loved by almost all of his students. As such, many students like to tick him off, because his reactions are always the best.)

    Teacher: “So the prompt today is a little wordy.” *reading the board* “Due to a meteor that scientists have known about for months, there will be a solar eclipse for a year. Today is the last day of sunlight for a year, what do you do?” *turns to class* “So, this is not a story about the apocalypse, the earth is pretty much prepared  for it. Life will be fine, and continue as normal. You will still have to go to school—” *he is cut off by a student raising his hand* “—Yes, [Student]?”

    Student: “Wait, how could a meteor cause a total eclipse of the sun?”

    Teacher: “It just does. It aligns with it or something.”

    Student: “But the science makes no sense!”

    Teacher: “I don’t see the problem here! Yesterday’s prompt was about all the shoes in the world suddenly gone! You guys didn’t question that!” *in a mocking voice* “Oh, it must have been the shoe fairies, because those aren’t implausible at all!”

    Student #2: “Well, that makes sense; it could be a fantasy. But this is a bit stretched.”

    Teacher: “Then it was the sun fairies. The sun fairies stole the sun.”

    (By now all the kids are laughing.)

    Teacher: “Fine, then. If you don’t want to write about that, I’ll give you something more realistic.” *he starts typing on his computer, which is being projected onto the board. we all watched as he wrote*


    (Needless to say, many of wrote about the gruesome casualties resulting from docile zoo animals while our teacher sat there with his head on the desk, laughing.)

    Not So Common Knowledge

    | Spain | Geeks Rule, Students

    (A classmate is waiting for me in a study room before an exam, while I’m in the bus on my way. This conversation takes place via text messages.)

    Classmate: “Come to the common room!”

    Me: “The Slytherin common room?”

    Classmate: “Of course! The one right in front of the yellow staircase.”

    Me: “Hufflepuff, then. I’ll be right there, just gotta tickle the pear.”

    (I started tickling her as soon as I arrived.)

    What Came First, The Chicken Or The Deer?

    | Montesano, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Students

    (We are in eleventh-grade algebra. It is the day before a chapter test, and for review, the teacher puts problems on the board. After each question, he asks every student a random trivia question for extra points. He gets to a student who is one of the few tenth graders in the class.)

    Teacher: “[Student]! What animal is eaten as much before it was born as after it has died?”

    (We all start laughing at the simple riddle.)

    Student: “Uh…” *looks around for help* “Cows!”

    (The class goes into uproar.)

    Teacher: “Umm, [Student]? How can you eat cows before they are born?”

    Student: “That’s how they get veal. right?”

    Teacher: “No, the answer was chicken. Uh, moving on.”

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