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  • That’ll Teach Him
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  • All Bad Things

    | AB, Canada | Bully, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (For as long as I can remember I’ve been a Trekkie. I am in high school when ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ is in its final season. The day after the final episode, I’m approached by the school bully. I brace myself for his usual barrage of insults.)

    Bully: “Hey, it’s the big fat Trekkie. Let me guess, you watched the final episode last night.”

    Me: “Of course I did.”

    Bully: “And because you’re such a HUGE Trekkie, I’m guessing you taped it so you can watch it over and over again.”

    Me: “Yeah. So?”

    (He looks around to make sure none of his clique are within earshot, and then leans in close.)

    Bully: “Dude. I missed it. Can I borrow it?”

    Me: “What?”

    Bully: “Yeah, man. I love that show but I was doing other stuff last night. So, please, help a Trekkie out. Can I borrow it?”

    Me: “After everything you’ve done to me? No way!”

    (Sadness washes over his face as regains his bully composure.)

    Bully: “Whatever, man. Star Trek’s stupid anyway.”

    (I swear I heard him sniffle a little bit as he walked away.)

    Reflective Of Her Upbringing

    | Nottingham, England, UK | Math & Science, Parents, Teachers, Theme Of The Month

    (My husband and I are really into science and have passed this love into our eight year old daughter. We try not to ‘baby’ the explanations we give her and provide honest explanations to the numerous questions she has. One day, when we pick her up from school, she is upset and the teacher is asking to speak to us.)

    Teacher: “I need you to speak to your daughter about being rude and correcting me in front of the other children!”

    Me: “What? What happened?”

    Teacher: “I was explaining how rainbows are made and she corrected me in front if the class.”

    Husband: “[Daughter], is this true? What happened?”

    Daughter: “Well, [Teacher] was telling the class about how rainbows are made and he told them the water reflected the light. I put up my hand and asked him if he meant refracted as that’s what really happens.”

    Husband: “[Teacher], is this what happened?”

    Teacher: “Yes. She really shouldn’t correct me. It confuses the other children.”

    Me: “Was she right, though?”

    Teacher: “She will confuse the other children!”

    Me: “…but was she right?”

    Teacher: “Well, yes, but children her age are too young to understand refraction, so we keep it simple by saying reflection as they know what that is.”

    Husband: “That’s wrong, though. [Daughter] understands the difference and if you took the time to explain so would the other children.” *turns to Daughter* “Well done for understanding what we taught you and applying your knowledge. *high fives Daughter*

    Me: “I think we’re done here.”

    Teacher: *as we’re leaving* “She’ll confuse the other children!”

    The Biology Of Poetry

    , | AB, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Exams/Tests, Language & Words, Math & Science

    (My friend and I are in biology class, texting each other. We’re reviewing electrophoresis, a process that’s used to separate DNA fragments. It was also an answer to a question on one of our tests that I completely forgot while I was writing it.)

    Friend: “‘Electropho-I-don’t-know’…”

    Me: “I believe what I wrote on the test was ‘electrosomething? How did I forget this? I’m so sorry’.”

    Friend: “But electropho-I-don’t-know rhymes, though.”

    Me: “We’re not writing slam poetry. It’s bio.”

    (He doesn’t respond for a minute or two, and I look over to his desk to see him typing something long.)

    Me: “Are you writing a slam poem? Because I swear to god—”

    Friend: “Electropho-I don’t know. The smaller ones go fast, while larger goes slow. Why does it do that? I still don’t know. Bio is memorization. It ain’t a huge organization. You got primase, ligase, and polymerase. You just gotta know what the DNA wants to do those days…”

    Me: “I cannot believe you…”

    A Noteworthy Departure

    | Picardie, France | Bad Behavior, Students, Teachers

    (It is the last class of the day. Our technology teacher has caught a student passing notes.)

    Teacher: “I have had enough of seeing students passing notes! The next student that I see passing a note, I read the note IN FRONT OF THE CLASS!”

    (Ten minutes before the end of lesson, our prankster writes a note, and deliberately, passes the note for that the teacher to see.)

    Teacher: “[Prankster]! Give me the note!”

    Prankster: *pretending to be disappointed to be caught* “Okay…”

    Teacher: “You can get out of the class.”

    (The class gets out, happily.)

    Teacher: *screaming* “NO! THAT’S WRITTEN THIS ON THE NOTE!”

    Mom Is Just Blowing Smoke

    | NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Parents, Theme Of The Month

    (I recently started working for the local summer school. After a student got in trouble for leaving the property when she was supposed to be in class, her mother called the school.)

    Irate Mother: *after the principal told her why it was a problem* “Well, no one told her she wasn’t allowed to smoke during school!”

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