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    28 Naps Later

    | CA, USA | Awesome, Teachers

    (I am an English teacher, and sixth period is one of my Junior-level classes. A student falls asleep in class and just will not wake up, not even after I draw on his face with water-soluble ink. So I get the rest of the class to hide in the hallway, and then I come running back into the classroom to wake my kiddo up.)

    Me: “Oh, my God! There’s a survivor!”

    Student: *stares blankly, blinking the sleep away* “How long have I been asleep…?”

    Me: “Long enough for the world to end.”

    (Cue the rest of the class losing it in the hallway.)

    It’s Hard In Any Direction

    | USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (I’m working on social studies vocabulary with a group of students.)

    Me: “North, south, east, and west are the…”

    Student: “Carnal erections!”

    Me: “Okay…” *writes out the words* “CARDinal DIRections. Please, make sure you say all the letters in the words.”

    D For Detention

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am in year four – equivalent to the third grade. We are having our first sex ed lesson.)

    Teacher: “Okay, who can tell me what the name for this part is?”

    Classmate #1: “Oh! Oh! I know, Miss!”

    Teacher: “Yes, [Classmate #1]?”

    Classmate #1: “It’s the d***!”

    Teacher: “…no. That’s not the right name.”

    Classmate #1: “But that’s what my Mum says to my Dad.”

    Teacher: “Sorry, it’s still not the right answer. It’s actually not a very nice word, and you shouldn’t use it with people.”

    Classmate #1: “Why, Miss?”

    Teacher: “Because it’s a swear word, and we don’t use those.”

    (There is silence for a few seconds, as the class contemplates this.)

    Classmate #2: “Haha, d***.”

    Classmate #3: “D***!”

    Entire Class: “D***! D***! D***!”

    (Every single one of us was forced to stay for an hour after school.)

    Currently No Smell

    | IL, USA | Awesome, Math & Science, Teachers

    (My chemistry teacher in high school is generally known to be a sarcastic but cool guy. The room right above his belongs to the less popular biology teacher. On this day, we are learning about how different chemicals react to electricity being passed through them. One thing our teacher ran electricity through was a pickle which, while cool to look at, produced a strong smell. A few minutes later the phone rings.)

    Teacher: “Hello? What?” *looks at us* “No, I’m not burning anything… No, I don’t smell it. Huh, that’s weird.”

    (He calmly hangs up the phone and stares at it for a second. Then he grabs a paper towel, sets it on fire, and begins waving it under the vent in the ceiling.)

    Teacher: “Let’s see if she calls back…”

    This Professor Is Two Timing You

    | UT, USA | Teachers

    (I normally have class during the professor’s office hours. One day, my class is canceled, so I go to the professor’s office to talk about an upcoming presentation. He’s not there. I wait 20 minutes before giving up. I stop to talk to him next week after class.)

    Me: “Professor, I came by last week to talk to you during your office hours, and you weren’t there.”

    Professor: “Huh, that’s odd, I’m normally around during my office hours. What day was it?”

    Me: “Wednesday.”

    Professor: “Oh, yeah, I had a meeting scheduled. I figured no one ever comes to my office hours, so I would be fine to miss it. I swear it only happened once. And you caught me the one time I wasn’t in my office.”

    Other Student: “Professor! I came by to see you at your office hours today, and you weren’t around. I waited forever and you never showed.”

    Professor: “As I was saying, you guys caught me the two times I wasn’t in my office during office hours!”

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