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    Keep It Above Desk And Above Board

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (It’s the first day of my psychology lecture course. It’s a stadium style classroom which is not a common classroom at my school. My professor is currently in the process of explaining the course when she suddenly stops and looks around the room for a moment.)

    Professor: “Oh and by the way. I can see beneath the desks. I can see everything. I had two students in here last term who were dating and sat beside each other… Don’t make me call you out on that. Just don’t, ew, don’t… do that…”

    Beauty And The Zom-beast

    | UK | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (I’m attempting to explain how to describe acceleration on motion graphs to a student who loathes physics.)

    Me: “So, look at this graph. We can pick some kind of object that can move and stop to use as an example. Oh, like a zombie. Yeah, let’s do the zombie apocalypse. So, you see here, the line is at zero velocity, it means the zombie isn’t moving—”

    Student: “Miss, I don’t like the zombie apocalypse. Can we pick something else?”

    Me: “Sure. Uh, other inanimate objects. Erm. Oh, I know, you like Disney, right? How about Chip, the talking cup from Beauty & Beast?”

    Student: “Yep, that’s good!”

    (I later look over what the student has written. The introduction to the description of the graph goes: ‘chip was poured tea into, and is now jumping towards Belle, for her to drink it.’ I have some awesome students!)

    A Growing Sense Of Confusion

    | UK | Bizarre/Silly, Religion, Rude & Risque, Students

    (I overhear my teacher talking with some classmates.)

    Classmate #1: *complaining* “Do you know what [Classmate #2] got me for Christmas?”

    Teacher: “What?”

    Classmate #1: “A ‘Grow-Your-Own-Jesus!'”

    Teacher: “Well, are you religious?”

    Classmate #1: “No!”

    Teacher: “Well, maybe she’s just trying to say that you need more of Jesus in your life.”

    Classmate #1: “Well, she got [Classmate #3] a ‘Grow-Your-Own-Pole-Dancer.’ What do you think she’s trying to say there?!”

    The Lack Of Choice Is Soda-pressing

    | PA, USA | Food & Drink, Students

    (We are learning about the stock market in history class.)

    Teacher: “What would happen to the stock if Coca-Cola bought Pepsi?”

    Kid Behind Me: “We wouldn’t have trouble deciding where to eat anymore!”

    The Perfect Symbol Of Teaching Challenges

    | GA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words, Parents, Students

    (In high school I tend to draw constantly in all my classes. One night one of my teachers calls my parents…)

    Teacher: “I need to talk to you about [My Name]. She’s drawing these strange symbols in class and not paying attention to lessons.”

    Parent: “Strange symbols? Oh! Those are hieroglyphics. She’s written like that since Elementary school.”

    Teacher: “…”

    Parent: “We can give you a key so you can read it for yourself if you want.”

    Teacher: “No… No, that’s okay. Goodbye.”

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