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    ‘Who’ Would Have Guessed

    | PA, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Students

    (It’s English class with about 30 students, and a prompt is written on the smartboard: “What would you do if your teachers began to oppress the students?”)

    Teacher: “We’re going to get into groups based on what your answer would be.”

    (The other students start to shuffle around and talk. I go off to stand by myself. Two other students approach me.)

    Student: “[My Name], what would your answer be?”

    Me: “Phone the TARDIS and beg the Doctor for help.”

    (I get about 20 followers in under three minutes.)

    Correct In Spirit

    | NY, USA | Language & Words, Students

    (I’m working with a third grade student who struggles with reading and writing. Part of his tutoring program requires him to write sentences using words he is trying to master. One of the words is ‘form.’)

    Me: “Okay, what’s your sentence for follow?”

    Student: “I follow my teacher’s rules.”

    Me: “Great sentence! I love that you’re using correct punctuation! Okay, next word is ‘form’ “.

    Student: “My rum is in good form.”

    (All of the other teachers slowly look at us.)

    Me: “My rum? That’s not what you told me you were going to write!”

    Student: “My rum… my room! My room is in fine form!”

    Me: “Perfect! Let’s change the spelling on your paper, quickly!”

    Age Against The Machine

    | MI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Teachers, Technology

    (A student approaches our teacher before class.)

    Student: “You know these vents? Well, I dropped my iPod, and it fell through. I’m waiting for maintenance to help me get it back, so I might be late for class.”

    Teacher: “This is a sign.”

    Student: “What?”

    Teacher: “This is a sign you should not have an iPod.”

    (A half hour later, the teacher interrupts his lecture to address the student.)

    Teacher: “Did you get your iPod back?”

    Student: “Yes.”

    Teacher: “You realize that’s a sign, right? That iPod was falling towards Hell where it belongs. Where they all belong.”

    Me: “[Teacher], are you all right?”

    Teacher: “Fine. I just like it when technology breaks. I think it’s important for the future of our species that happens.”

    (No wonder the teacher is the only one in my college who has completely banned computers from class!)

    Boy, Is She Wrong

    , | Bowling Green, KY, USA | Bad Behavior, Dorms, Staff

    (I work the night shift at the security desk in a dorm on campus. One night, about 1 am, a girl tries to walk past with her boyfriend.)

    Me: “Hey. Sorry, but you can’t bring him up. Check-in hours are over.”

    Resident: “Oh, he lives here.”

    Me: “No… He doesn’t.”

    Resident: “Yeah, he does.”

    Me: “I am positive that he doesn’t.”

    Resident: “I don’t see why you would just assume that.”

    Me: “… This is a girls’ dorm.”

    Resident: “Oh, s***. I forgot!”

    Prosecuting Without Proof Of Proof

    | NJ, USA | Food & Drink, Staff, Teachers

    (I’m studying at a small college campus where everyone knows everyone. I sit down in the cafeteria to eat my lunch and a security guard that I’ve never seen before comes over.)

    Security Guard: “You need to come to the dean’s office.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Security Guard: “You are drinking alcohol, and since this is a dry campus you’re facing serious consequences.”

    (I’m actually drinking a soft drink called Chai Cola that is sold in dark bottles. I laugh, thinking he’s joking, and turn the bottle around to show him the label that says ‘soda’ on it and the cap that clearly states it’s a non alcoholic drink.)

    Me: “Sorry, dude. Better luck next time. Besides, I drink this stuff every week. Go ask [Other Security Guard].”

    (Not backing down, he tries threatening me.)

    Security Guard: “Throw it out or I’m taking you to the dean’s.”

    Me: “I’m not throwing out a $3 soda.”

    (As he’s clearly not going to leave me alone, I quickly gather my lunch and bag and walk quickly to the dean’s office area and sit down at the table outside her office and resume eating. I’ve eaten lunch there a few times before because I prefer the quiet and none of the other staff are bothered by it. The dean peeks her head out of her office, sees me and sighs.)

    Dean: “[Security Guard], huh?”

    Me: *I nod my head*

    (The security guard comes by and the dean makes a ‘come here’ fingering motion. The guard grins at me and follows her in. I guess he thought he was going to be commended and still fully believed I would be in trouble, poor guy. I get to watch him walk out in a huff as I finish my lunch.)


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