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    Enough To Tingle Your (Book)Spine

    | KY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Books & Reading, Teachers

    Friend #1: “I have to go see if I can buy this book for a class I dropped.”

    Professor: “Um… why?”

    Friend #1: “Well, because I rented this book instead of buying it, and then I dropped the class, and now I can’t find the book. I’ve looked everywhere!”

    Friend #2: “Isn’t your mom doing a yard sale? You might want to check with her just in case.”

    Friend #1: “Yeah, but if she doesn’t have it, I suppose I’ll have to go buy a new copy…”

    Professor: “Use a ouija board!”

    Me: “Sell your soul to the devil and resurrect it!”

    Professor: “Hmm.”

    Friend #2: “That wouldn’t work. You’d only have the ghost of the book.”

    Me: “Yeah… I guess they would tend to disappear… and go through walls at inopportune times.”

    Friend #2: “You’d be haunted by the ghost book.”

    Professor: “Oooooooo! You should have returned meeeeeeeeeeee!”

    In The End There Will Be Blood

    | PA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words, Teachers

    (A winter storm has recently knocked out power to a lot of the area, including many students’ homes.)

    Student: “My house doesn’t have power!”

    English Teacher: “Good. Then handwrite your paper by candlelight.”

    Student: “I don’t have any candles!”

    Me: “Then burn a crayon!”

    Student: “I don’t have any crayons!”

    English Teacher: “Then write with blood!”

    Me: “Yesssss! Write with the blood of hamsters!”

    Giving Birth To Painful Imagery

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Teachers

    (I’m in seventh grade at math class. My teacher is complaining about the mess we make.)

    Teacher: “I’m tired of cleaning up after you! If I wanted to clean up after thirty people, I would’ve had thirty kids!”

    Student: “That would hurt!”

    Teacher: “Not all at once!”

    Turning Good Behavior Into An Art Form

    | OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Students

    (I am falling behind in my art courses because I haven’t had practice drawing quickly. Therefore, I have asked for permission to eat lunch in the art room to work during lunch. In my class, there is a student who constantly picks on me because I am working diligently in an ‘easy A course.’ Today, he acts up and is given two days of lunch detention.)

    Me: *working after eating*

    Student: “Hey! You!”

    Me: *don’t hear him because I am listening to my iPod*

    Student: “Curly freak!”

    Me: *looks up; I am sensitive about my hair*

    Student: “What the f*** are you doing here? You’re a good kid!”

    Me: “Working.”

    Student: “You don’t have detention?”

    Me: “No.”

    Student: “You wanted to be here?”

    Me: “Yes. I want to catch up on my work.”

    (He got upset from what I guessed was realizing that he couldn’t brag that he saw a ‘good kid’ getting a detention. I made for the teacher a poster that says ‘Art does not begin with an easy A,’ so she hung it where he could see. He failed the course while the art teacher gave me a set of prisma pencils as a thanks for the poster.)

    Got A Good Bearing On Their Education

    | Elmhurst, IL, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Pets & Animals, Students

    (My mother has asked me to teach a lesson about animal diversity to the kids in her church group. I prepared for the 7-12s but was unexpectedly saddled with a group of 3-6s for one session. I’m a high school teacher, so I have very little idea what to do with the tiny ones. I try to assess where they are by way of understanding.)

    Me: “Does anyone know what it means when an animal is related to another animal?”

    Student #1: “Pandas… are related… to bamboo!”

    (That’s arguably correct, so I try to use it as a jumping-off point.)

    Me: “Well, pandas are a kind of bear. What other kinds of bears are there?”

    Student #2: “Polar bears!”

    Student #3: “Brown bears!”

    Student #4: “Princess bears!”


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