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    Arachnophasmophobia

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Pets & Animals, Religion

    (I go to a Catholic school. One day, my religion class is going on as normal when we suddenly hear a loud smacking sound. We all turn to see where it came from. Student #1 is lifting up a binder he’s thrown on the floor next to him. He stares at a barely-moving spider on it, looks grossed-out and slightly guilty, and drops the binder spider-up.)

    Teacher: “Here, come get something to clean that up.”

    (Student #1 goes up to her desk and gets wipes, tissues and hand sanitizer. He dramatically stalks down the aisle to the binder with his hand on the top of the hand sanitizer …then looks guilty again and turns away.)

    Student #1: “I, uh, think I’ll just let it finish dying…”

    Teacher: “Help it along. Put it out of its misery.”

    Student #1: “Um…” *he pulls out a wipe and drops it over the spider* “Out of respect…”

    Student #2: “Eternal rest grant unto it, O Lord…”

    Student #3: *to spider* “I’ll pray for you and your family.”

    Student #1: *holding up his hands* “A moment of silence. A moment of silence.”

    Student #2: “It’s a little angel in spider heaven now.”

    Teacher: “You do know that bugs don’t have souls, right?”

    Student #1: *starting to clean up* “So, if it doesn’t have a soul, that means it can’t come back and haunt me, right?”

    Teacher: “No.”

    Student #1: “Good.” *throws the wipe away with a shiver*

    Jingled All The Way

    | NY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Students

    (During one of my weekly classes in college, a young woman has to leave class halfway through. Unfortunately, though, she is wearing a skirt with a lot of little bells sewn on it. She gets up halfway through the lecture, and the professor just stops as she jingles down the aisle and out the door. He waits until she shuts the door behind her.)

    Professor: “…and now that Donner and Blitzen have left, I’ll go on.”

    Salvation In Noodles

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Geography, Language & Words

    (Our class has a ‘Foods of the World’ project. Each student has to bring some kind of food from their cultural background to class, and do a presentation on it. Most of the students in our class are of European descent, and many of them are of German or British origin.)

    German Student #1: “So, I am part-German from my mother’s side, and I have brought some German chocolate.”

    German Student #2: “My grandfather is half-German, and this is German candy.”

    British Student #1: “My dad came from England, and I have brought some English toffee to share with everyone today.”

    British Student #2: “I’m part-British, and this is liquorice.”

    German Student #3: “Uhh, I’m German like everybody else. I brought German cake.”

    Teacher: “This cake tastes very good, but I’m afraid German cake isn’t actually German. It’s American, and invented by someone whose last name happens to be ‘German.'”

    German Student #3: “Oh, I didn’t know that.”

    (This trend went on for quite a while. A few more British and German students took their turns presenting, and we even had a few Dutch, Swedish, and Norwegian students. So far, everyone has presented some kind of candy or dessert item. We are finally down to two students: a Chinese student, and me.)

    Chinese Student: “My family and I came from China when I was very little, but I’ve always been exposed to the culture at home. My grandpa made us some jiaozi, which some of you might know as ‘dumplings’ or ‘potstickers.'”

    Me: “Personally, I hail from South Korea, so I got to taste a bit of my culture while I was still there. And I hope to give you guys a taste of my culture in the form of japchae, a traditional Korean noodle dish.”

    Entire Class: “FINALLY!”

    (My tray of noodles was completely empty by the end of class. Incidentally, the plate of dumplings was empty, too, while there were still many sweets left over to enjoy. I guess they wanted to get the taste of sugar out of their mouths!)

    A Fair Exam


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    The Silent Killer

    | FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Students

    (At the end of math class, our teacher often lets us talk for a few minutes before dismissing us. Sometimes, he joins us in conversation.)

    Teacher: “I was reading the paper this morning and I saw some pictures of criminals. Some were my old students! All of you make sure to stay out of trouble.”

    Student #1: “Were they like [Rowdy Student].”

    Teacher: “No, no. It’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for, like [Quiet Student].”

    Quiet Student: “But, [Teacher], you don’t plan a murder out loud.”


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