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    Muscling In On Their Costume

    | USA | Movies & TV, Students, Theme Of The Month

    (It is Halloween, and class hasn’t started yet. A student who is known for being a troublemaker strides in and begins talking to some of our classmates. I’m usually known for being pretty quiet in class, so I’m sitting at my desk observing.)

    Student: “Guess who I’m dressed as!”

    (He then proceeds to unzip his jacket, showing off his bare chest.)

    Student: “BRUCE LEE!”

    Me: “Didn’t Bruce Lee actually have muscles?”

    (The student went red-faced with embarrassment, and everyone else watching burst out laughing. I don’t think that student spoke to me for the rest of the year.)

    Mali Vero

    | Albany, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Students

    (I teach eighth grade at a very privileged school. I’m about halfway through the study hall that I have to keep silent.)

    Student #1: *loudly starts to conjugate Latin verbs*

    Me: “Excuse me, could you please do that in your head?”

    Student #1: “But I have a very important Latin final that I absolutely have to study for!”

    Me: “I know. But other people have to study, too, and this is a silent room.”

    Student #1: “Well, [Student #2] was helping me study!”

    Student #2: “No! I don’t even take Latin!”

    Me: “[Student #1], would you like to go to the principal?”

    Student #1: “YOU ARE VIOLATING MY RIGHTS! [Student #3], tell her she’s violating my rights!”

    Student #3: “Shh… I’m trying to study!”

    Me: “[Student #1], I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.”

    Student #1: “THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS. IT’S DISCRIMINATION. MY FATHER WILL HEAR OF THIS!”

    (She storms out.)

    Student #3: *quietly* “Who does she think she is, Draco Malfoy?”

    The Laser Point Is Made

    | USA | Musical Mayhem, Spouses & Partners, Students, Theme Of The Month

    (In orchestra class, we are all practicing our different sections of the music we are playing for an upcoming performance. One of our bass players is goofing around, shining a laser pointer in several people’s eyes. He gets to me, and after a few times of doing it, I whip my cello bow around and smack him in the arm several times.)

    Student With Laser Pointer: “Ahhhh!”

    Orchestra Director: *shocked* “What happened?!”

    Me: “Nothing. It’s taken care of.”

    Orchestra Director: “Oh, okay… Well, let’s play [Song] all the way through together. [Student With Laser Pointer], get back to your instrument.”

    Some Have Education Thrust Upon Them

    | WI, USA | Health & Body, Students, Theme Of The Month

    (Biology class is doing group presentations on various systems of the human body. The student who is talking is generally considered the class troublemaker/slacker. He’s talking about joints, but clearly hasn’t done his research. He is reading what another student wrote, but he is coming up with his own examples on the spot.)

    Student: “Joints can be classified by how movable they are. There are freely movable joints, like your elbow. There are fixed joints, like your skull. And there are semi-movable joints like…” *clearly guessing* “…your shoulder?”

    Teacher: “No.”

    Student: “Wrist?”

    Teacher: “No.”

    Student: “Knee?”

    Teacher: “No.” *gives up, and tells him the correct answer* “Pelvis.”

    Student: “Oh, right the pelvis.”

    (He did an exaggerated pelvic thrust, complete with hand motions. Everyone burst out laughing, including the teacher, who just couldn’t suppress her laughter.)

    Named He Who Shall Not Be Named

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Geeks Rule, Students

    (We have a substitute teacher for the day who has never had our class. She doesn’t have an official copy of the roll-call, so she sends around a piece of paper for people to sign.)

    Teacher: “Excuse me, [My Name]. I was wondering if you could help me. 17 people have signed the roll, but there are only 16 people here. Can you find the name of the person who isn’t here?”

    (I look at the roll, and quickly spot the problem.)

    Me: “[Teacher], I don’t think that ‘Lord Voldemort’ goes to this class. Or this school…”


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