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    Blonde And Curly

    | IL, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (I teach high school science. I am going over a lesson in genetics, involving the principle of incomplete dominance, such as how one parent with a dominant straight hair gene and one with a dominant curly hair gene can have an offspring with a blended trait of wavy hair.)

    Female Student: “Oh, my gosh, Mr. [My Name]! My hair is so curly! Seriously, you should see me when I get out of the shower!”

    Me: “…I don’t want to.”

    Female Student: “NO! NO! That’s not what I meant. Oh, my gosh… I mean you should see me when I get up in the morning!”

    Me: “I don’t want to see that either!”

    Female Student: “NO! NO! Aaaahhh!”

    (Ironically, she was the best student in the class, albeit a blonde!)

    Word To The Unwise

    | Scotland, UK | Exams/Tests, Language & Words, Teachers

    (While doing a biology test, one question says ‘describe what happens to the ethanol production rate between 0 and 60 hours,’ which is the full span of the accompanying graph. There are three full lines to write my answer, so I give a detailed description of how it’s slow between 0 and 10 hours, fast between 10 and 30, etc, until it stops completely at 40 hours. Later, when I receive my marked test back, I get a ‘fail’ for that question.)

    Me: “Hey, Mr. [Teacher], what’s the problem with my answer for this question?”

    Teacher: “Well, according to the marking scheme, your answer needs to be the exact words ‘it increases’, or you don’t get the pass for the question. I think your answer shows that you fully understand the topic, and I would mark it correct if I could, but I have to follow the marking scheme.”

    (The teacher then decides to change that mark for the student sitting next to me from pass to fail, because although his similarly detailed description contained the words ‘rises sharply’, it wasn’t ‘it increases’. Why he’d passed it before in that case, I have no idea. I tried to protest, but the teacher glossed over it saying it didn’t matter because we’d passed our tests overall, hadn’t we? A short while later, he is addressing the class as a few still work on their tests.)

    Teacher: “Now, watch out for questions such as this one here, there’s very specific wording you need to use.”

    Me: “Okay, so is there a part on the sheet that indicates the specific words you need to use?”

    Teacher: “Well, no, but it should be obvious.”

    Knows My ABCs But Not ‘E’s

    | The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Students, Technology

    (One of my colleagues is supervising students in a research project. The day she is supposed to train them on how to conduct the study, she falls ill and asks me to take over. During the training, I help the students install the necessary software.)

    Student: “So where do I get those files?”

    Me: “Do you have an Internet connection?”

    Student: “No.”

    Me: “Then take this flash drive and open Explorer, please.”

    Student: “Explorer… Er… Internet?”

    Me: “No, Windows Explorer.”

    Student: *now puzzled* “What…?”

    Me: “Just hit Windows key and E.”

    Student: *more and more confused* “What…?”

    (I reach over and hit the appropriate keys. Windows Explorer pops up.)

    Student: “Oh my, that’s just too technical for me!”

    Onety One

    themetapicture.com_its-really-something-to-think-about_

    A Solid Actor

    | Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Math & Science, Movies & TV, Students

    (My science teacher has to leave, so she asks another teacher to watch us, with the instruction that if we aren’t talking about solids we shouldn’t be talking.)

    Me: *talking about Tom Cruise*

    Teacher: “You know you aren’t supposed to be talking about that.”

    Me: “…Tom Cruise is technically a solid!”


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