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    Getting You To The Center Of Nowhere

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Geography, Students

    Teacher: “Has anyone been to Central Australia?”

    (Silence.)

    Teacher: “Anyone?”

    (Trying to break the silence with some humour:)

    Me: “I’ve been to Campbelltown.”

    (Campbelltown is 50 minutes drive southwest of Sydney. There is a tiny bit of laughter, followed by more silence.)

    Student: “… Um, where is Central Australia?”

    (Long, long silence…)

    Teacher: “Okay, moving on…”

    Not So Sweet On Essays

    | Austin, TX, USA | Awesome, Exams/Tests, Teachers

    (I am taking a class with a professor known for requiring real essays as answers on his essay exams. He’s going over the final with us.)

    Professor: “…and there will be 10 essay questions on the final.”

    Class: *quiet groans*

    Me: *tosses huge bag of M&Ms on table* “FIVE questions!”

    Professor: *snatches up bag* “DONE!”

    (I made a lot of friends that year!)

    Looks Like That ‘One-Child’ Policy Is Over

    | Hong Kong | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (I work as an English tutor in a private education centre for Chinese kids. I’m chatting to a little boy about school life.)

    Me: “So, what do you usually do after lunch at school?”

    Student: “We stay in the classroom. It’s breeding time.”

    Me: *horrified* “I beg your pardon?!”

    Student: *as-a-matter-of-fact* “Breeding time. We can bring our own books.”

    Me: “Oh, thank goodness. You meant ‘reading time’…”

    Holy Hockey Sticks!

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Religion, Sports, Students

    (My homeroom/religion class has a substitute teacher. At our school, classroom TVs come on automatically for morning announcements, but have to be turned off manually in each classroom. Instead, this day, someone changed the channel to a sports channel. The substitute puts up with this through homeroom, but once the bell rings…)

    Substitute: “All right, guys. TV off.”

    Student #1: “No, it can stay on!”

    Substitute: “What?”

    Student #2: “Yeah! She just leaves it on until religion class is over!”

    Substitute: “What…No, you’re full of it, thank you. TV off.”

    Student #3: “We could just turn the volume down!”

    Substitute: “TV, off!”

    Student #1: “But Jesus loves hockey!”

    All Your Cheeseburger Are Belong To Us

    | CA, USA | Geeks Rule, Language & Words, Students, Technology

    (The teacher has asked us to provide example sentences that are grammatically incorrect.)

    Student: “‘Won’t be you orange, Frank?”

    (The professor writes the sentence on the board.)

    Professor: “I hope this isn’t one of those silly computer games with strange words…”

    Students: “Computer games?”

    Professor: “Like ‘all your base are belong to us.’ In 2001, that was the first example the students would give.”

    Students: “Oh!”

    (One student raises her hand to provide the next example.)

    Student: “I can has cheeseburger.”

    Professor: “Now, that’s a great sentence, because you can understand what it says but it’s grammatically wrong…”

    (She went on in this vein about the sentence, never guessing that we were all laughing because it was, indeed, ‘one of those silly computer games’!”)


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