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    All My Work Goes Up In Poof

    | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Teachers, Technology

    (My math teacher is an awesome woman with a quirky sense of humor. She often clears her board to explain a problem, and there’s a special button on her board to do that. It’s like a cross between a projector and a computer. My teacher calls this button ‘poofing.’)

    Teacher: “Aaaand, POOF!”

    (The board doesn’t clear right away.)

    Teacher: “It’s not poofing! Why is it not poofing?! POOF already!”

    (It finally clears.)

    Teacher: “Oh, it poofed! Now, back to factoring polynomials…”

    The Grades Of 1969


    Absently Absent-Minded

    | White Lake, MI, USA | Ignoring/Inattentive, Teachers

    (It is halfway through the year; my physical science teacher has assigned us seats and I have been in the very front of the room all year. I’m in my seat when class starts and the teacher jumps right into lecture and demonstration after taking attendance (he hasn’t taken attendance verbally since the second week of class, as he knows all of our faces by this point). Halfway through class, he starts passing out a hand-out, giving a stack to the first person in each row to pass back.)

    Teacher: “You’ll need this for your homework tonight, and you—” *cuts himself off when he gets to me* “[My Name], how long have you been there?”

    Me: “Uh… since before the bell…”

    Teacher: “Are you sure?”

    (My classmates all tell him that yes, I have been there since class started, just like always.)

    Teacher: “Huh. Okay.” *hands out the rest of the papers* “I’ll just go change the attendance sheet real quick. I marked you absent.”

    Guy Next To Me: “Mr. [Teacher], how did you seriously not see her?! She’s in the front row and her hair is bright pink!”

    The Great Potato Massacre

    | MD, USA | Awesome, Math & Science, Teachers

    (My forensics teacher is talking about Luminol, a chemical that can detect traces of blood.)

    Teacher: “…Other things can also trigger Luminol. I mean, potatoes also react with Luminol, but a crime scene doesn’t usually have potatoes smeared all over the wall.”

    Not Exactly A Flood Of Knowledge

    | OR, USA | Ignoring/Inattentive, Teachers

    (In English class we are reading Julius Caesar. The play makes a comment about “The Great Flood.” There is a note in the textbook saying it is in reference to a Roman myth, as I had learned in my Mythology class earlier that year.)

    Student #1: “[Teacher]? What is the flood they are talking about?”

    Teacher: “Well, clearly it’s the flood of Noah and the Ark.”

    Me: “Actually, Romans would not have the legend of Noah; it’s actually from an old Roman myth about Jupiter.”

    Teacher: “Really? How did you know that?”

    Me: “Well, I took Mythology this year…”

    Teacher: “Well, it’s an easy mistake. Who ever heard of another flood story?”

    Student #2: “Actually, [Teacher], it’s right in the margin of the book.”

    (Student #2 goes up to show her and sees a whole 3 paragraph explanation in the teacher’s manual.)

    Student #2: “Uh… right there…”

    Teacher: “Oh! Look at that!”

    (She never said any more about it, but for the rest of the semester Student #2 and I were often asked for help more than the teacher. The worst part? She taught English, French, AND Spanish, and every student said she was just as clueless in the other classes. She still teaches there 11 years later!)

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