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    A Very Presidential Weekend

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | History, Politics, Rude & Risque, Students

    (I am in eighth grade at the time, and I am currently sitting in history class. The class is centered around US history, and we are talking about interesting facts about all of our different presidents. We start talking about William Taft, and are all in conversation.)

    Teacher: “All right then, William Taft. Can anyone tell me anything “special” about him?”

    Student #1: “I heard he was the fattest president to this day.”

    Me: “I heard the same thing. I also heard he was so fat that he had to have a special tub put in the White House just for him to bathe in. It was apparently so big that 10 construction workers could fit in it at the same time.”

    Student #2: *to me* “Why would you want 10 full grown men all in a bath at the same time?”

    Teacher: *after hearing this exchange* “[Student #2], stop describing your Friday nights.”

    (The class erupts in laughter as Student #2 is beet red.)

    Testing Badly


    Education system focuses on tests.

    Opening A New Book

    | USA | Awesome, Books & Reading, Exams/Tests, Teachers

    (In math class, there’s this lazy student who brags that he’s failing and always mocks and annoys both the teachers and the other students.)

    Teacher: “Everyone take out your math books.”

    Student: “To dinner or a movie?”

    Teacher: “To school, actually. Just because you’re failing doesn’t mean your book has to.”

    (The whole class applauded and the student got mad. He stopped himself from swearing, but he hasn’t made any dumb comments since.)

    Literally Singing You Praises

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Musical Mayhem, Teachers

    (I go to a well-known private high school. Before high school I was in a junior choir that sang at an international level. Since the demand is so high the audition is very demanding, and you have to re-audition every year to keep your spot. I consistently do this for five years until I age out of the program. When I enter high school I decide to audition for both the international senior choir and my high school choir. I audition and get into the senior choir but not the school choir and instead go to the open choir that’s also run at my school. The instructor teaches both choirs and always makes a point to remind us that we’re not as good as the audition choir. Halfway through the year my choir instructor has an announcement.)

    Instructor: “All right, everyone, I want you all on your best behaviour. A conductor from [senior choir] is coming in to talk to you all. This will be a good opportunity to see if you can improve enough to join our audition choir.”

    (We arrive next rehearsal and low and behold, it’s my current international senior choir conductor! He gives us a very good lesson and recognises me halfway through. When the class is over he beckons for me to stay behind to chat.)

    Me: “[Conductor]! How are you?”

    (We talk for several minutes until my high school instructor comes over.)

    Instructor: “Now, now, little miss. Don’t bother the poor conductor. Run along to your next class.”

    Conductor: *frowns in confusion* “But aren’t we going to your auditioned choir next?”

    Instructor: “Yes.”

    Conductor: “Well, isn’t [My Name] in the auditioned choir?”

    Instructor: “Oh, good lord, no!”

    Conductor: “Are you telling me that your standards are so high that you’re turning down someone I teach at an international level three times a week? No wonder your other choir only has ten people in it!”

    The Whole Thing Is A Game To Him

    | England, UK | Lazy/Unhelpful, Students

    (I have an apprentice starting today; there have been at least a dozen applicants, so he is lucky to be here.)

    Me: “…and so if you press this button, you can…”

    (I turn to catch him yawning.)

    Me: *jokingly* “Not keeping you up am I?”

    Apprentice: “Oh, no, sorry, late night last night.”

    (Teaching him is actually causing me more work, so I am a little annoyed, but I let him off as it’s his first day. The next day…)

    Apprentice: *yawns loudly* “Oh, man, I’m sooo tired.”

    Me: “Another late night?”

    Apprentice: “Yeah.” *slumps in his chair*

    Me: “You won’t get the best out of this experience if you can barely stay awake. Why don’t you go get some coffee and perhaps an early night tonight?”

    (Everyday that week, the same story: too tired to listen; couldn’t do the work because he hadn’t listened. At the end of the week…)

    Me: “Look, this is a waste of your time and mine. Every morning you can barely keep awake. Every morning you tell me you have been up late playing video games. Every morning I tell you to get an early night.”

    Apprentice: “Whatever. This isn’t important, anyway.”

    (I give up, and tell my boss to put him somewhere else. At the end of the three weeks:)

    Apprentice: “Here, can you fill this out.”

    Me: “What is it?”

    Apprentice: “My apprentice form.”

    (I read it; he has already ticked the answers I was supposed to fill in.)

    Me: “Nope.”

    (He leaves. I forget about it until I get a call:)

    Teacher: “Is this [My Name]?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Teacher: *aggressively* “[Apprentice] tells me you had him doing all sorts of tasks then refused to sign his form because you didn’t like him! Why?”

    (I explained the situation. The teacher was actually pretty decent afterwards. I later had a hand-written note from the apprentice apologizing!)


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