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    Dysfunction

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Math & Science, Teachers

    (I’m taking math, and we’re talking about functions and how to tell if a graph is a function. We are using a book of sorts and it of course, is asking us if its a function or not. One graph, of course, is all over the place and most definitely does not pass the vertical line test.)

    Teacher: “Is this a function?”

    Class: “No.”

    Teacher: “H***, no! I don’t even know what that is!”

    Incompetent Continent Questions

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Exams/Tests, Extra Stupid, Geography, Teachers

    (Our lecturer is discussing an upcoming test.)

    Lecturer: “Now the test is mostly multiple choice. The questions should be fairly simple; things like ‘what is the capital of Europe?'”

    Me: “…is that supposed to be a simple question?”

    Enough To Tingle Your (Book)Spine

    | KY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Books & Reading, Teachers

    Friend #1: “I have to go see if I can buy this book for a class I dropped.”

    Professor: “Um… why?”

    Friend #1: “Well, because I rented this book instead of buying it, and then I dropped the class, and now I can’t find the book. I’ve looked everywhere!”

    Friend #2: “Isn’t your mom doing a yard sale? You might want to check with her just in case.”

    Friend #1: “Yeah, but if she doesn’t have it, I suppose I’ll have to go buy a new copy…”

    Professor: “Use a ouija board!”

    Me: “Sell your soul to the devil and resurrect it!”

    Professor: “Hmm.”

    Friend #2: “That wouldn’t work. You’d only have the ghost of the book.”

    Me: “Yeah… I guess they would tend to disappear… and go through walls at inopportune times.”

    Friend #2: “You’d be haunted by the ghost book.”

    Professor: “Oooooooo! You should have returned meeeeeeeeeeee!”

    In The End There Will Be Blood

    | PA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words, Teachers

    (A winter storm has recently knocked out power to a lot of the area, including many students’ homes.)

    Student: “My house doesn’t have power!”

    English Teacher: “Good. Then handwrite your paper by candlelight.”

    Student: “I don’t have any candles!”

    Me: “Then burn a crayon!”

    Student: “I don’t have any crayons!”

    English Teacher: “Then write with blood!”

    Me: “Yesssss! Write with the blood of hamsters!”

    Giving Birth To Painful Imagery

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Teachers

    (I’m in seventh grade at math class. My teacher is complaining about the mess we make.)

    Teacher: “I’m tired of cleaning up after you! If I wanted to clean up after thirty people, I would’ve had thirty kids!”

    Student: “That would hurt!”

    Teacher: “Not all at once!”


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