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    That’s Why The Navy Has A Poop Deck

    | MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Teachers

    (I’m in class for my military training. During a lecture, I get a strong call from Mother Nature. I quietly tell the person next to me to assure accountability and leave. I haven’t been feeling good the past few days so I’m there for twenty minutes. When I get back the class is on a short break. The acting squad leader approaches me.)

    Squad Leader: “Where’d you go?”

    Me: “Latrine.”

    Squad Leader: “Why didn’t you say anything?”

    Me: “I told the person next to me. Did she not say anything?”

    Squad Leader: “Why didn’t you tell me?”

    Me: “You were across the room…”

    Squad Leader: “You need to tell me when you leave!”

    Me: “It was urgent! You were 20 feet away!”

    Squad Leader: “You need to tell me!”

    Me: *giving up* “Okay, fine.”

    (He leaves, satisfied. I turn to another classmate who was eavesdropping.)

    Me: “Does he seriously expect me to interrupt a lecture by screaming ‘I gotta poop!’ across the room?”

    Classmate: “Well, this is the Army…”

    That Activity Has Been Axed

    | PA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Students

    (In my paramedical biology class, we started out the term with a survival activity in which you’re given a list of items and you’re supposed to rank them as most important to least important.)

    Teacher: “Okay. So, what did we all put as our most important item?”

    (A lot of students shout out the map or the lighter.)

    Teacher: “Good, good answers. Any other ones?”

    Student: “The axe.”

    Teacher: “Hm. Why is that?”

    Student: “Well, you can chop up your fellow survivors and eat them if you’re starving.”

    (Everyone is silent.)

    Teacher: “… and that’s the last time we’ll do this activity again.”

    World War Who?

    | Norfolk, England, UK | History, Musical Mayhem, Students

    (I am in my final year of secondary school. We’re covering the Nazi Party in depth which includes a small bit about the First and Second World Wars. The class has gotten off topic somewhat, and is instead singing a derogative song about Hitler.)

    Student: “So… did the Germans win the war?”

    (There is a very long and awkward pause.)

    Student’s Boyfriend: “Don’t you think we’d be singing a different song if Germany won?”

    So Dumm

    | Germany | Field Trip, Language & Words, Students

    (I’m on a school trip to Germany, Austria, and Switzerland and we’ve stopped off at the Holocaust Museum. After the tour I go to quick grab a bite at the cafe and I see a girl from my group standing, staring quizzically at the food.)

    Me: *waiting behind her*

    Girl: *turns to me with a really confused expression and points to a piece of cheese pizza* “You speak German, right? Is this vegetarian?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Girl: *points to pepperoni pizza* “What about THIS? It looks vegetarian.”

    Me: “No, honey. That’s pepperoni.”

    Girl: *looks aghast* “Ugh! I would have never figured that out! Thank you! They should put these darn signs in English, I say! How did you even know that?”

    Me: “I’ve been learning German for four years. Handy when you go to GERMANY.”

    (She ordered and left the poor cashier looking bewildered. I ordered in German and she gave me a grateful smile. Honestly, learn the language if you go to the freaking country.)

    Not A Class Act

    | IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Students

    (Our voice and speech class will be collaborating with a directing class that meets at roughly the same time.)

    Teacher: “Their class starts at 2:20 and our class starts at 2:30, so show up to [location] at 2:30.”

    Student #1: “Uh, I have a class then.”

    (We all stare at her.)

    Student #2: “You have this class.”

    Student #1: “Oh, right.”

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