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  • Would Jew Believe It
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  • August's Theme Of The Month: Best. Teacher. Ever!

    A Class Deflection

    | Australia | Language & Words, Teachers

    (We have this one math teacher who has just started teaching us. Based on our first impressions of him, we get the feel that overall, he’s relatively serious, until this happens.)

    Student #1: “[Teacher], do you have a favorite class?”

    Teacher: “[Student #1], I don’t play favorites with classes or students.”

    Student #2: “Come on, [Teacher]. We all know that deep down, you must have a favorite.”

    (This goes on for a few more minutes, between the teacher and these two students.)

    Teacher: “Do you really want to know?”

    Students #1 & #2: “Yes!”

    Teacher: “Well, I can honestly say, that out of all the classes I’ve taught here, you guys are one of them.”

    (It took those two a while to catch on.)

    Great At The Great Outdoors

    | London, England, UK | Field Trip

    (I’ve recently gone back to college after dropping out of school. One of our modules is on expeditions and navigation by map, so we go on hikes and some overnight excursions, too. Since I’m on average five years older than most of my classmates and have done numerous hikes and walks before, including climbing mountains and backpacking for three nights across a mountain range, I am somewhat more experienced in this area than the class. On our first overnight excursion I have packed what I would pack for any overnight experience. Here are some of the conversations that occurred on this hike.)

    Girl #1: “Ugh, this shirt has a stupid scratchy label. Does anyone have some scissors?”

    Me: *pull out my multi-tool knife and hand it to her*

    Girl #1: “Oh, thanks, [My Name]. You came prepared, huh?”

    (Some time later:)

    Guy #1: “Ugh, my stupid bootlace broke and now I’m going to get really bad blisters.”

    Me: “Give it here.”

    (I proceed to pull out a length of para-cord, cut it down to length, and re-lace his boots.)

    Me: “This should do for a while, but you will want to get proper laces for that when you can.”

    Girl #2: “Wow, [My Name], you really know how to be all outdoorsman-like.”

    Tutor: “I’m a little embarrassed to say this but I forgot to bring a map; does anyone know the way to [Overnight Destination]?”

    (Everyone turned and looked at me expectantly!)

    The Canterbury Fails

    | OR USA | Books & Reading, LGBTQ, Students

    (I go to an art school. My AP literature and composition class is full of juniors and seniors: teenagers with lots of imagination. We’re going over the Canterbury Tales when we get to the Pardoner and the Summoner…)

    Teacher: “Okay, so the Pardoner and Summoner are connected through work. The pardoner sounds like a high pitched goat and he sings ‘come hither my love.’ Can you guess what these two are?”

    Class: *silence*

    Teacher: “They travel together… One of them is vain; one of them ‘takes deep seconds.'”

    Class: *more confused silence*

    (By now I have already guessed that Chaucer made them ambiguously gay and I am struggling not to cry out “they’re having sex!” in the middle of class. My teacher keeps trying to get our class to connect the dots with little luck. finally…)

    Teacher: “Okay… the Summoner has zits all over his face, he ‘takes deep seconds’ from the Pardoner, and the Pardoner has zits all over his face.”

    Class: “Oooooh!”

    (I’m still shocked it took teenage art students so long to make that connection.)

    Would Jew Believe It

    | Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Bigotry, Parents, Religion

    (I am in eighth grade, and we are reading a book about the Holocaust, told in the perspective of the Jews. There are parts about the Jewish religion. The only time we spend talking about Judaism is when the teacher explains what the Torah and a few other words are. Also, parents have been walking around the school while waiting for an event to start. A parent walks into the classroom and stands in the back for a few minutes listening, as the teacher finishes explaining a Jewish term in the book.)

    Teacher: “…any questions?”

    Parent: *without waiting* “Why are you teaching them about Judaism?”

    Teacher: “Because in the book we’re reading it has terms from Judaism, and it will be easier for the students to understand what they’re reading.”

    Parent: “But you shouldn’t be teaching children about other religions.”

    Teacher: “Well—”

    Student #1: *cuts off teacher* “—Lady, he is just teaching us what some of these words mean so we have an easier time reading this book.”

    Student #2: “It’s not like he’s telling us that we should all be Jewish and that it’s the only right religion.”

    Parent: “But it’s wrong to talk about other religions.”

    Student #3: “Miss, if you’re more disturbed about us learning a small amounts about the Jewish religion than about the Holocaust, then you are a terrible person.”

    (The woman muttered something and then stomped out of the classroom.)

    Moving On To The Weeds

    | PE, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (We are in a cattle medicine review just days before our licensing exam.)

    Professor: “Perilla mint tends to grow in shady areas along the fence line, and the cows won’t usually eat it unless there’s nothing else to eat. Unfortunately, once they start eating it, it can be hard to get them back on regular pasture. It’s like they get addicted to it.”

    Me: *whispers to classmate next to me* “D*** junkie cows.”

    Classmate: *whispers back* “It’s because they’re hanging out in the shady areas. Like the ghetto.”


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