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    Category: Technology

    Amplifying The Meaning Of Life

    | Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Teachers, Technology

    (Lectures held in big halls are usually recorded through the portable microphone that the professors can attach to their clothes. Therefore, for the lecture to be recorded properly, the microphone has to be worn and turned on. On this particular day, the professor is wearing the microphone but is having trouble turning it on.)

    Professor: “Is it on yet? No? Well, can you hear me?”

    Class: *scattered answers*

    Professor: “Well, regardless, we can’t do anything about that. Too bad for those guys who decided to skip today and listen to recorded lectures later. Boy, are they missing out. That’s why you should always come to lectures! Even when they’re recorded! Things like these can happen at any time! Well, anyway, let us begin!”

    (After a few minutes well into the lecture, the microphone finally comes on.)

    Professor: “Ah—” *pauses when his voice is suddenly amplified* “And that, my friends, is the meaning of life. Oh, boy! Those guys who decided to not to come to class today? They really missed out, didn’t they! That’s why you have to come to class every day. Something like could happen again and you could be missing out on something amazing! Now, back to the lecture.”

    A Text Textbook Case

    | USA | Ignoring/Inattentive, Students, Technology

    (My teacher has a classroom policy regarding cell phones: if he catches you using it during class, you have to put your phone on his desk.)

    Teacher: *to texting student* “Hey, are you using your cell phone? Come up here and put your phone on my desk!”

    (The texting student starts to get up to walk to the teacher’s desk, but so does another student next to me who was texting, whom the teacher wasn’t talking to.)

    Student: “Wait, what?” *starts to walk to teacher’s desk as well*

    Teacher: “Why are you getting up? Were you texting, too?”

    Student: “… Not anymore!” *starts walking back to desk*

    Teacher: *sighs as class laughs* “You, too. Come up here and put your phone on my desk!”

    (I haven’t seen her text during class since!)

    Looking For A Male-To-Male Connector

    | Dublin, Ireland | LGBTQ, Teachers, Technology

    (Not that anyone minds, but there has been some idle speculation over whether or not this lecturer is gay. The lecturer comes into class and begins setting up his laptop.)

    Lecturer: “Hey, guys, where’s the cable to connect this to the projector? There’s supposed to be one in every room.”

    Student: “[Other Lecturer] was in here earlier; I saw him take a cable and leave.”

    Lecturer: “Okay, I’ll go ask him about it.”

    (He leaves and comes back a few minutes later with the cable.)

    Lecturer: “Yep, [Other Lecturer] took it. He said he didn’t but he obviously did. I didn’t want to frisk him. Not in public anyway!”

    (Another mystery solved!)


    | WA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words, Students, Technology

    (It is the end of the year in my AP US history class and we are writing a research paper. After having taken the final, we’re messing around with the research paper and pretending (badly) that we’re doing work.)

    Partner #1: *jokingly* “We could just copy one paper and change some of the words.”

    Me: “No, no, even better: copy the paper, but change every word using the Microsoft synonym option.”

    Partner #2: “Oh, my god.”

    (We laugh for a little bit, but then the teacher wanders over again and we get back to pretending to work. A few minutes later, Partner #1 starts giggling.)

    Partner #1: “I posted a document to Google Drive.”

    Partner #2: “What is it?”

    Partner #1: “Guess.”

    Me: “You didn’t.”

    (I open it. He did. We start reading some of it aloud randomly.)

    Partner #2: “Cutting-edge 1970, collective Salvador Allende recognized the chief self-governing collective administration cutting-edge the biosphere.”

    Me: “Counting the Vietnam Combat besides the elongated-vertical Taciturn Confrontation through Soviet Blending.”

    (We’re all losing it at this point. It is so ridiculous. Partner #1 is barely keeping it together and Partner #2 has his head in his hands.)

    Me: “It sounds like a Romney speech.”

    (To this day, my favorite line is ‘Pinochet fixed not certainly legitimately announce his command through several dogmatic dogma.’)

    Not A Clean Cut

    | London, England, UK | Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Students, Technology

    (Our media class has been working on a project for almost a year, and the deadline for submission is in a couple of weeks. The task we have been set is to plan, film, and edit a music video for our favourite song. Although most of the class have pretty much finished the project, one or two of my classmates decided to leave everything (including the filming) to the last minute, and as a result are rushed and stressed as the deadline approaches. As I’ve used the editing software before I’m the person that people come to for help if our teacher is busy. One of the girls who I know has fallen behind on her project comes over to my computer during a lesson. Note that although we know each other from being in the class for two years, we’re not close friends.)

    Classmate: “Hey, [My Name], you’re good with computers, right?”

    (At this point, I’m busy writing the concluding paragraph for another part of the project, and I’m not in the best mood due to having lost a lot of my work when my computer crashed.)

    Me: *sighing and turning my chair to face her* “Sure. What is it?”

    Classmate: “Uh, do you know if you can cut a part out of a video using [editing software we don't have in class]?”

    (Although I’m experienced in [school editing software], I’m not familiar with the software she’s talking about.)

    Me: “Well, I’ve never used it, so I don’t really know. Have you got the video on a flash drive? I can upload it to my computer and crop it for you.”

    Classmate: *shaking head vigorously* “No, I really need to know how to do it on [editing software we don't have in class].”

    Me: “We don’t even have that program on the school system. It’s no problem. I can crop it for you if you tell me where it needs to be cut.”

    (My classmate then drops her voice to little more than a whisper.)

    Classmate: *whispering* “I, uh, can’t let you look at the footage until I’ve cut it.”

    Me: “Well, can’t [Teacher] help you?”

    Classmate: *shouts* “NO!”

    Me: “…uh, sorry?”

    Classmate: *drops voice back down to a whisper again* “I, um, really can’t let [Teacher] see this. There’s… inappropriate bits.”

    (At this point, I’ve gone beyond confused and am losing patience with my classmate.)

    Classmate: “It was an accident! I mean, um… look, can you just cut the last thirty seconds of this footage?” *hands me her flash drive* “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

    (I was understandably apprehensive about opening this file, so I waited until I got home to take a look at the footage. What did I find? My classmate had filmed over an hour of continuous footage before turning the camera to the floor to try and find the ‘stop recording’ button. Unfortunately, it looked like she’d chosen that day to, uh, film without any clothes on! I cut the last thirty seconds and gave the flash drive back to her the next day. Needless to say we avoided eye contact for the rest of the year!)

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