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    Category: Technology

    Wishing You Could Delete Them

    | VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Students, Technology

    (I work for a university IT help desk, and we give help to anyone for free as long as we can fix it at the front counter.)

    Me: “Hi. What can I do you for today?”

    Student: “I need you to back up my student ID and archive my emails for me.”

    Me: I’m sorry, could you repeat that again?”

    Student: “I said, I need you to back up my student ID and archive my emails for me.”

    (Note: your student ID is basically the username that lets you use the school’s online services, and is linked to all of your student information that the University keeps track of.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. Your student ID isn’t something that can be backed up, and only you can archive emails that you receive.”

    Student: “Well, I don’t want people to be able to read my emails, so I want you to print them all out for me and then delete them. And I want you to delete my student ID. I don’t want people hacking it.”

    (At this point I start looking around for my coworkers who are pointedly doing something else or hiding somewhere where she can’t see them. This is an immediate red flag for me.)

    Me: “There’s no way for me to access your account, much less print off every email in the inbox. And we can deactivate your student ID, but it can’t be deleted. It’s the university’s record of all of your information since you started attending the university. Legally they have to keep that information and aren’t allowed to delete it.”

    Student: “BUT PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO HACK INTO MY ACCOUNT!”

    (At this point, I go get my boss, and he gets the head of the entire IT services for the school.)

    Boss #1: “Hello ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

    Student: “Your employee won’t back up my student ID, or delete it, or archive my emails!”

    Boss #1: “It’s impossible for him to do any of those things, as only you have access to your email account and it’s illegal for us to delete your student ID.”

    (The next 30 minutes or so go by with the customer asking the exact same questions over and over even though both of my bosses keep telling her that what she wants is either illegal or impossible.)

    Student: “Where’s the lady that I talked to last time? She helped me much more than you two!”

    Boss #2: “She is my employee, and she would only tell you the exact same thing that I’m telling you, so I’m not going to waste her time with this.”

    (This eventually ended with Boss #2 telling her to leave, and then sending out an email to all of the workers saying that if she should come in again with any problems outside of our normal area, to give him a call and tell her to go to the side and wait. It turned out that the customer came in several times a week with varying crazy requests and he was tired of having to deal with it.)

    Technologically Stunted

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, History, Students, Technology

    (I am in my broadcasting class. Due to some technical difficulties, our tricaster set our camera in black and white. My classmates were joking about it, which I found funny, until…)

    Student #1: “Welcome to the broadcast in the 1950s!”

    Student #2: “They didn’t even HAVE technology in 1950s!”

    All Your Cheeseburger Are Belong To Us

    | CA, USA | Geeks Rule, Language & Words, Students, Technology

    (The teacher has asked us to provide example sentences that are grammatically incorrect.)

    Student: “‘Won’t be you orange, Frank?”

    (The professor writes the sentence on the board.)

    Professor: “I hope this isn’t one of those silly computer games with strange words…”

    Students: “Computer games?”

    Professor: “Like ‘all your base are belong to us.’ In 2001, that was the first example the students would give.”

    Students: “Oh!”

    (One student raises her hand to provide the next example.)

    Student: “I can has cheeseburger.”

    Professor: “Now, that’s a great sentence, because you can understand what it says but it’s grammatically wrong…”

    (She went on in this vein about the sentence, never guessing that we were all laughing because it was, indeed, ‘one of those silly computer games’!”)

    Not Meeting The Problem Face To Facebook

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Students, Technology

    (Groups in my personal health education lesson are given scenarios and have to explain to the class what they would do. One group of girls stands up.)

    Girl #1: “So, our scenario is that our friend is desperate to lose weight, even though she is actually fine, and is planning to resort to using drugs to lose that weight.”

    Girl #2: “So we decided that…”

    (Girl #2 launches into a long, detailed talk about several reactions to the problem, including setting the friend up with a boyfriend and ambushing her and singing ‘You’re Beautiful’ to cheer her up. Most of the class is impressed, until…)

    Girl #2: “So, that was most of our ideas, and—”

    Girl #3: *matter of factly* “and we thought that if everything else fails, we just unfriend her on Facebook and pretend we don’t know her anymore.”

    Amplifying The Meaning Of Life

    | Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Teachers, Technology

    (Lectures held in big halls are usually recorded through the portable microphone that the professors can attach to their clothes. Therefore, for the lecture to be recorded properly, the microphone has to be worn and turned on. On this particular day, the professor is wearing the microphone but is having trouble turning it on.)

    Professor: “Is it on yet? No? Well, can you hear me?”

    Class: *scattered answers*

    Professor: “Well, regardless, we can’t do anything about that. Too bad for those guys who decided to skip today and listen to recorded lectures later. Boy, are they missing out. That’s why you should always come to lectures! Even when they’re recorded! Things like these can happen at any time! Well, anyway, let us begin!”

    (After a few minutes well into the lecture, the microphone finally comes on.)

    Professor: “Ah—” *pauses when his voice is suddenly amplified* “And that, my friends, is the meaning of life. Oh, boy! Those guys who decided to not to come to class today? They really missed out, didn’t they! That’s why you have to come to class every day. Something like could happen again and you could be missing out on something amazing! Now, back to the lecture.”


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