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    Category: Technology

    All Your Cheeseburger Are Belong To Us

    | CA, USA | Geeks Rule, Language & Words, Students, Technology

    (The teacher has asked us to provide example sentences that are grammatically incorrect.)

    Student: “‘Won’t be you orange, Frank?”

    (The professor writes the sentence on the board.)

    Professor: “I hope this isn’t one of those silly computer games with strange words…”

    Students: “Computer games?”

    Professor: “Like ‘all your base are belong to us.’ In 2001, that was the first example the students would give.”

    Students: “Oh!”

    (One student raises her hand to provide the next example.)

    Student: “I can has cheeseburger.”

    Professor: “Now, that’s a great sentence, because you can understand what it says but it’s grammatically wrong…”

    (She went on in this vein about the sentence, never guessing that we were all laughing because it was, indeed, ‘one of those silly computer games’!”)

    Not Meeting The Problem Face To Facebook

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Students, Technology

    (Groups in my personal health education lesson are given scenarios and have to explain to the class what they would do. One group of girls stands up.)

    Girl #1: “So, our scenario is that our friend is desperate to lose weight, even though she is actually fine, and is planning to resort to using drugs to lose that weight.”

    Girl #2: “So we decided that…”

    (Girl #2 launches into a long, detailed talk about several reactions to the problem, including setting the friend up with a boyfriend and ambushing her and singing ‘You’re Beautiful’ to cheer her up. Most of the class is impressed, until…)

    Girl #2: “So, that was most of our ideas, and—”

    Girl #3: *matter of factly* “and we thought that if everything else fails, we just unfriend her on Facebook and pretend we don’t know her anymore.”

    Amplifying The Meaning Of Life

    | Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Teachers, Technology

    (Lectures held in big halls are usually recorded through the portable microphone that the professors can attach to their clothes. Therefore, for the lecture to be recorded properly, the microphone has to be worn and turned on. On this particular day, the professor is wearing the microphone but is having trouble turning it on.)

    Professor: “Is it on yet? No? Well, can you hear me?”

    Class: *scattered answers*

    Professor: “Well, regardless, we can’t do anything about that. Too bad for those guys who decided to skip today and listen to recorded lectures later. Boy, are they missing out. That’s why you should always come to lectures! Even when they’re recorded! Things like these can happen at any time! Well, anyway, let us begin!”

    (After a few minutes well into the lecture, the microphone finally comes on.)

    Professor: “Ah—” *pauses when his voice is suddenly amplified* “And that, my friends, is the meaning of life. Oh, boy! Those guys who decided to not to come to class today? They really missed out, didn’t they! That’s why you have to come to class every day. Something like could happen again and you could be missing out on something amazing! Now, back to the lecture.”

    A Text Textbook Case

    | USA | Ignoring/Inattentive, Students, Technology

    (My teacher has a classroom policy regarding cell phones: if he catches you using it during class, you have to put your phone on his desk.)

    Teacher: *to texting student* “Hey, are you using your cell phone? Come up here and put your phone on my desk!”

    (The texting student starts to get up to walk to the teacher’s desk, but so does another student next to me who was texting, whom the teacher wasn’t talking to.)

    Student: “Wait, what?” *starts to walk to teacher’s desk as well*

    Teacher: “Why are you getting up? Were you texting, too?”

    Student: “… Not anymore!” *starts walking back to desk*

    Teacher: *sighs as class laughs* “You, too. Come up here and put your phone on my desk!”

    (I haven’t seen her text during class since!)

    Looking For A Male-To-Male Connector

    | Dublin, Ireland | LGBTQ, Teachers, Technology

    (Not that anyone minds, but there has been some idle speculation over whether or not this lecturer is gay. The lecturer comes into class and begins setting up his laptop.)

    Lecturer: “Hey, guys, where’s the cable to connect this to the projector? There’s supposed to be one in every room.”

    Student: “[Other Lecturer] was in here earlier; I saw him take a cable and leave.”

    Lecturer: “Okay, I’ll go ask him about it.”

    (He leaves and comes back a few minutes later with the cable.)

    Lecturer: “Yep, [Other Lecturer] took it. He said he didn’t but he obviously did. I didn’t want to frisk him. Not in public anyway!”

    (Another mystery solved!)


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