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    Category: Technology

    Teach One Selfie

    | WI, USA | Language & Words, Students, Technology

    (I am the teacher. I walk into the hallway to see a student taking a photo of herself with her cell phone.)

    Me: “Selfie generation.”

    Student: “It’s not a selfie; it’s SnapChat.”

    Me: “What is the definition of selfie?”

    Student: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “A photo taken of oneself.”

    Student: “Oh… I guess it’s a selfie, then.”

    In A Very Taxing State

    | USA | Money, Parents, Technology

    (I answer phones for a charter school. A lot of people call not understanding that it’s state-funded, so they don’t actually pay anything to us unless they damage our equipment. Usually, the conversation is very quick; the person understands and is happy with the outcome of not paying anything.)

    Parent: “Hi, I need to order my daughter’s school books.”

    Me: “Not a problem, sir. Oh, I see here that your state will actually provide her a desktop computer to use for her homework. Would you like to add it?”

    Parent: “No way. I don’t have money for no computers.”

    Me: “Oh, sir, it doesn’t cost you anything. The state pays for it. The only catch is that you have to take care of it and you need to send it back if she is no longer enrolled with us.”

    Parent: “Yeah, but I gotta buy a protection plan, huh?”

    Me: “No, sir. You don’t buy anything. You can either accept the computer and have it in your home for your daughter to use or you don’t have to accept it if you already have a computer at home.”

    Parent: “I don’t have a computer.”

    Me: “Would you like me to send the desktop to you for your daughter then?”

    Parent: “Well… I don’t know… I don’t want to get scammed or nothing. How much are her books?”

    Me: “Nothing. You don’t pay for the books. Same thing with the computer – you have to take care of them and send them back at the end of the school year.”

    Parent: “Oh, ho, ho, but I gotta pay ‘shipping and handling’ charges, right?”

    Me: “No, sir. You do not pay anything. The state pays for all of this. Just like you don’t buy her textbooks when you send her to public school, you don’t buy them from us either.”

    Parent: *mumbling* “Yeah, too good to be true… I bet you people are just gonna run up charges on my credit card.”

    Me: “Sir, we do not have your credit card on file. We have not and will not ask for any payment information. This is a state-funded program.”

    Parent: “Oh, do I need to give it to you, then?”

    Me: *banging head on desk* “No, sir. We do not need any payment information from you. We get payment from the state.”

    Parent: “Wait, through my taxes or something?”

    Me: “Well, yes, education would typically be funded through your state and local taxes.”

    Parent: “I knew you were gonna charge me!” *hangs up*

    (The problem was, his daughter was actually enrolled with us so I had to call him back to confirm whether he wanted the stupid computer or not before I could actually place an order for her school supplies. It was a very long day.)

    Isn’t Hypothetically Getting It

    | PA, USA | Exams/Tests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m in a choral class as part of a culture program at my school. Some kids take it for an easy A, and therefore think they can get away with stuff they couldn’t in a regular class. We’re about to take a quiz on musical terminology. The teacher is also the boys’ soccer coach.)

    Student: “Hey, yo, Coach. I got a question.”

    Teacher: “Yes, [Student]?”

    Student: “I know you said we can’t use our phones during the quiz, but, hypothetically, if I wanted to text someone after I was done, could I do that?”

    Teacher: “…well, hypothetically, school policy is ‘if I see your phone, you can’t keep your phone.'”

    Student: “Yeah, yeah, I know, Coach, but hypothetically if my phone was gonna be on silent and I just wanted to check for texts, could I do that while I was waiting for everyone else to finish?

    Teacher: “Hypothetically, no.”

    Student: “But HYPOTHETICALLY—”

    Teacher: *cutting him off* “NO, [Student], you are not allowed to use your phone at ANY time during my class.”

    (The same student’s phone was confiscated for the weekend in another class a few days later.)

    Get Hack To Work

    | MA, USA | Lazy/Unhelpful, Students, Technology

    (I am in a Java class, where I am a bored over-achiever and the person sitting next to me basically needs me to teach them everything. I have finished the weekly project early, so I open up a hacking type videogame for fun. I proceed to hack into a bank, and find the accounts in it, then proceed to hack into each account separately and transferred the money out into my game account, then delete all proof of my actions before the trace completes. Gaming need satisfied, I shut the game down and am about to start daydreaming, when I notice the guy next to me looking at my screen with big white eyes.)

    Guy: “Did you just…” *too scared to say more out loud*

    Me: *couldn’t help but smirk because it is funny*

    (The guy proceeded to be very very careful around me and began studying Java seriously for the rest of the semester. Heh, go gaming.)

    Email Fail, Part 3

    | GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Students, Technology

    (When students start school with us, they are required to do an online orientation that explicitly states they are to check their student email account at least once a day. This is doubly important if you are a student in an online only program. Additionally, before classes begin, I send another email to their personal account on file letting them know we’ll no longer be mailing them at their personal account and we need them to check their student email from now on.)

    Student: “I don’t understand! I’m new; last semester was my first semester here. I’ve emailed [My Name] and called her several times and she hasn’t responded. This is ridiculous! Classes start next week and I haven’t been signed up for ANYTHING!”

    Coworker: “Well, I can go ahead and make you an appointment with her this afternoon…”

    Student: “YES! GOD!”

    (She makes the appointment and lets me know. I look at the student’s file and note that he has been sent no less than SIX emails regarding advisement and registration and has NOT emailed or called me. I call him at his appointed time.)

    Me: “Okay, before we start, I just have one quick question for you. Have you been checking your student email account?”

    Student: “No.”

    Me: *speechless*

    (After a pause.)

    Student: “Should I be?”

    Me: “Well, it’s how the university contacts you on official business and how I contact you about advisement and registration…”

    Student: “Oh, so do you want me to check it now?”

    Me: *sigh* “Well, considering we’re already speaking, I don’t think it matters…”

    Email Fail, Part 2
    Email Fail

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