• First Grade Problems
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  • November Theme Of The Month: Horrible Histories!

    Category: Students

    Shedding Some Light On The Mystery

    | France | Extra Stupid, Students

    (We’re a college trip and have just returned to the coach to go home.)

    Me: *looking around* “Does it seem a bit dark to you?”

    Friend: “No? Why?”

    Me: “Just looks dark.” *shouting* “Can we turn on the lights?”

    Tutor: *shouting back* “Take your sunglasses off!”

    (I sheepishly took my sunglasses off – that I had bought earlier in the day – and stayed silent the rest of the trip. My friend nearly died of laughter.)

    Delicious Algebra

    | USA | Food & Drink, Students

    (In our algebra class we are working on a problem that involves cookies.)

    Teacher: “So, what is he going to with the three pounds of cookies?”

    Me: “…Eat them?”

    No Vocation For Location, Part 10

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Students

    (It’s the last day of school before Spring Break. School has just let out, so everyone is leaving school through the hallways, including me. On my way out, I overhear this.)

    Random Girl: “Goodbye, America. I’m heading to Alaska!”

    No Vocation For Location, Part 9
    No Vocation For Location, Part 8
    No Vocation For Location, Part 7

    The Key To Immaturity

    , | NM, USA | Dorms, Money, Students

    (I work as a desk assistant at my college’s dorms. Our main job is handling mail and spare room keys for students who lock themselves out. Every time we rent out a spare key we give them a neon green strip of paper saying that if they do not return the spare key, they will be charged for a lock change, because we need the spare key for emergencies and maintenance. Some people lose their keys and don’t want to be charged, so they figure they can use the spare as long as they dodge our phone calls.)

    Student: *approaches desk* “I locked myself out of my room.”

    Me: “No problem. What’s your name?”

    Student: “[Student].”

    Me: *remembers that this student’s name is already listed as having that key checked out* “Is it possible that you still have the spare key?”

    Student: “Yeah, I locked it in my room.”

    (At this point I have to call the resident director on duty so she can take out her sub-masters, which takes forever because of all the documentation it requires.)

    Student: “Can’t you just give me another key?”

    Me: “We have one spare for each room.”

    Student: “Well, what if I lose this one, too?”

    Me: “…We have you listed as having locked yourself out. If you actually lost your room key we’ll have to change your lock.”

    Student: “That’s money; I don’t want to pay money.”

    Me: “You agreed to these charges as soon as you signed out that key.”

    Student: “I just signed because they told me to! I wasn’t actually listening! I live here; I need a key! I’m not signing anything else!”

    Me: “We will charge your student account.”


    Me: “Then we will write “resident refused to sign” on the signature line. The day you checked in, you gave us permission to charge you as needed.”

    (The resident director now had her keys, and he stalked off with her, complaining to her about me the whole way. The next thing that happened was the best thing ever. I got a call from an irate woman, telling me how DARE we charge her son for losing what is officially OUR property, and that they NEVER agreed to pay money for these things. This kid, or, I’m sorry, this college-aged young adult, told his mom on me.)

    When Meth Morphs

    | GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Students

    (I’m in ninth grade biology class. I don’t quite remember how we got on the topic of addiction, but we are currently talking about it when a student speaks up.)

    Student: “Yeah, so, like, one time, I was in the hospital and they injected me with meth.”

    Teacher: “…Meth?!”

    Student: “Yeah, you know, like, methane?”

    (The whole class is silent as we stare at her incredulously. The teacher finally speaks up.)

    Teacher: “You mean MORPHINE?”

    Student: “Oh, yeah…”

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