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    Category: Students

    World War Who?

    | Norfolk, England, UK | History, Musical Mayhem, Students

    (I am in my final year of secondary school. We’re covering the Nazi Party in depth which includes a small bit about the First and Second World Wars. The class has gotten off topic somewhat, and is instead singing a derogative song about Hitler.)

    Student: “So… did the Germans win the war?”

    (There is a very long and awkward pause.)

    Student’s Boyfriend: “Don’t you think we’d be singing a different song if Germany won?”

    So Dumm

    | Germany | Field Trip, Language & Words, Students

    (I’m on a school trip to Germany, Austria, and Switzerland and we’ve stopped off at the Holocaust Museum. After the tour I go to quick grab a bite at the cafe and I see a girl from my group standing, staring quizzically at the food.)

    Me: *waiting behind her*

    Girl: *turns to me with a really confused expression and points to a piece of cheese pizza* “You speak German, right? Is this vegetarian?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Girl: *points to pepperoni pizza* “What about THIS? It looks vegetarian.”

    Me: “No, honey. That’s pepperoni.”

    Girl: *looks aghast* “Ugh! I would have never figured that out! Thank you! They should put these darn signs in English, I say! How did you even know that?”

    Me: “I’ve been learning German for four years. Handy when you go to GERMANY.”

    (She ordered and left the poor cashier looking bewildered. I ordered in German and she gave me a grateful smile. Honestly, learn the language if you go to the freaking country.)

    Not A Class Act

    | IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Students

    (Our voice and speech class will be collaborating with a directing class that meets at roughly the same time.)

    Teacher: “Their class starts at 2:20 and our class starts at 2:30, so show up to [location] at 2:30.”

    Student #1: “Uh, I have a class then.”

    (We all stare at her.)

    Student #2: “You have this class.”

    Student #1: “Oh, right.”

    Onions Make Most People Cry

    | Portsmouth, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Students

    (It’s exam week and half of my chemistry class isn’t in, so we have light revision, Our teacher mentions the properties of nitrous oxide, aka laughing gas. I turn to my friend.)

    Me: “I wonder what it would be like on that. You’d find everything funny.”

    Friend: “True. I mean, you could put a red onion on the table and it would be hilarious.”

    Me: “Spinning it would set us into laughing fit.”

    (We actually imagine this and start laughing to the point that our teacher sees us.)

    Teacher: “Why are you two laughing?”

    Me: *giggling* “We are just laughing at spinning an imaginary red onion.”

    (There’s a long pause.)

    Teacher: “I never expected that kind of response…”

    Juan Born Every Minute

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Students

    (My students are translating a skit that uses ‘Juan Pablo’ (the Spanish equivalent of ‘John Doe’) as a character. Just for fun, I ask:)

    Me: “Can anyone tell me the fake name the police give an unidentified person? Like on CSI?”

    Overenthusiastic Student: “John Doe!”

    Me: “Good! Now, for bonus points, can anyone take a guess what they call an unidentified person in Spanish?”

    (The same student’s hand shoots up so fast, he almost falls out of his seat. I think he’s put two and two together.)

    Overenthusiastic Student: “Jesús Cristo!”

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