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    Category: Students

    Thinks He’s Getting Chicken Feed

    | OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Students

    (I’m a freshman at a private college, working in the school cafeteria as a server to help pay for tuition. Tonight has been really busy and since they are short staffed, I amasked to come in and work. Note: The chicken and pot pies run out the fastest.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, I’d like potatoes and two pieces of chicken.”

    Me: “Sorry, we’ve been running out of the chicken pretty quickly and it takes the longest to cook. I’m afraid I can only give you one.” *gives him a large piece*

    Customer #1: “Look, I just got out of football practice and I need more food!”

    Me: *gesturing to line going out the door on my side* “Look behind you. Most of those people are going to want the same exact thing. If we give everyone a lot then we’d run out faster and hold up the line even more.”

    Customer #1: “Just give me another one!”

    Coworker: “Sir, we’re not giving you another one. Take your food and leave, please.”

    Customer #1: “FINE!” *storms out of room*

    Customer #2: “Man, what a jerk. Uh, so I know you told him that you can only give out one, but he had received a very large piece. May I have two since the others are very small?”

    Coworker: “You’re right; these are very small. Okay, you can have two small ones.”

    Customer #2: “Thank you very much, ladies. Have a good night! Let me know if he comes back, I can deal with him.”

    (Surprisingly, Customer #1 never returned. We do allow seconds, but he didn’t even come back for that. Maybe he realized that he was being rude. Who knows?)

    Don’t Bank On His Language Skills

    | Newark, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Students

    (I’m an after-school English tutor for our exchange students. The assignment today is a brief speech about what everyone in your family does, but no dictionaries are allowed while they’re writing the speech.)

    German Student: “Okay. I can go first?”

    Me: “Okay, [German Student], go ahead.”

    German Student: “My mother is a nurse. She works at a big hospital in Essen. She takes care of new babies who are born with sickness. When she was young, she was a nurse in Moscow. My father is an ATM. He—”

    Me: *interrupting* “A what?”

    German Student: “ATM.”

    Me: “A banker?”

    German Student: “No! ATM! He met my mother at hospital! He is a wagon-driver!”

    (He makes siren noises and flashes the classroom lights.)

    Me: “Oh… an EMT?”

    German Student: “Oh, yes. EMT.”

    (He finishes the speech without incident. Next up is a nervous Spanish student.)

    Spanish Student: “My father, uh, is… My father is an avocado.”

    (His father is an ‘abogado': a lawyer.)

    Holding Open Death’s Door For Chivalry

    | Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Students, Teachers

    (My brother spots his teacher as he’s about to enter the lecture theatre, and pauses to hold the door open for her.)

    Teacher: “Ah, chivalry is not dead!”

    Brother: *not missing a beat* “Yes, it is, Miss. And it was women who killed it.”

    Plural Pick Up Lines

    | NY, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (We are reviewing possessives in French class.)

    Teacher: “The possessive depends on whether the noun is singular or plural.”

    Student #1: “Are you… single?”

    Teacher: *facepalm*

    Student #2: “Ooh! Ooh! Are you single? ‘Cause I’m single, and we can be plural together!”

    Teacher: “I. Am. Teaching. A French. Class… NOT A CLASS ON HOW TO PICK UP WOMEN!”

    Student #2: “Are you an angel? Because I’m allergic to feathers…”

    Teacher: “That’s not even how it goes…”

    Student #3: “[Student #2], it’s supposed be ‘did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?'” Mine is; ‘did you fall from a B14? ‘Cause you’re a bomb!'”

    Will End Up Working Vice

    | Sweden | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (We’re in English class and discussing what careers we want in the future. One of my classmates is rather bad at English, so she usually ends up saying something completely different than was intended.)

    Classmate: “I wanna be a prostitute!”

    (The entire class falls silent.)

    Me: “Do you mean a prosecutor?”

    Classmate: “No, a prostitute! I wanna prostitute people!”

    Me: “… I’m FAIRLY certain you mean a prosecutor who prosecutes people.”

    Classmate: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “Well, a prosecutor works with cops and knows a lot about the law. The prostitute is paid to have sex with people.”

    Classmate: “Oh. Then, yeah, I wanna be a prosecutor.”

    (The entire class lets out a sigh of relief.)

    Classmate: *under her breath* “But the other option sounds pretty fun, too…”


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