• Monkey-like Behavior
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  • May's Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Category: Staff

    Coping Without The Cabana

    | Richwood, WV, USA | Parents, Staff

    (My mother, a math teacher, has been moving furniture in her room to prepare for the end of school.)

    Mom: *to Principal* “I’m getting sore from moving all these tables. You think you could hire me a cabana boy to help me out?”

    Principal: “No, but I could put on a Hawaiian shirt.”

    An Electric Sense Of Humor

    | Cambridge, MA, USA | Staff

    (I am at a recruitment dinner for the PhD program, consisting of me (a current student), another current student, five prospective students, and two professors. Professor #1 is a new appointee, and is friendly but somewhat nervous, because Professor #2 is a type-A Nobel Laureate and one of the most respected in the field. Professor #2 is telling stories for about 15 minutes until there’s finally a lull in conversation.)

    Professor #1: “…So, [Professor #2], what’s changed the most about [School] since you’ve been here?”

    Me: *chiming in* “Besides electricity.”

    Professor #1: *eyes pop open*

    Professor #2: *laughs* “Have you guys met [My Name]? He used to be a student here!”

    (Thankfully, and unbeknownst to Professor #1, I had TA’d for Professor #2 and had a rapport of sorts with him.)

    An Epi Epic Fail

    | Australia | Health & Body, Parents, Staff

    (My young niece has a peanut allergy and has an EpiPen that she carries with her. School rules require that all medication is kept in the office. My sister receives a phone call.)

    School Staff: “Your daughter has had a bit of a reaction at lunch time.”

    Sister: “I’m on my way. Make sure that someone uses the EpiPen on her. There’s a letter with it containing all the instructions. Use it now; do not wait. It’s going to take a bit for me to get there.  If it’s bad call an ambulance.”

    School Staff: “Yes, we have it here.”

    (She rushes to the school. It takes her about 15 minutes, speeding all the way. She arrives to find her daughter in distress and struggling with her breathing.)

    Sister: “I think we may need an ambulance if she’s still like this after her dose.”

    School Staff: “Oh, we haven’t given it to her. We were waiting for you to get here. You took your time!”

    Sister: *grabs EpiPen and injects her daughter* “What? She could have died in this time! I gave strict instructions that she gets it immediately if a problem arises and to call an ambulance!”

    School Staff: “Oh, we saw that you lived a few doors from the school, so decided to wait.”

    Sister: “I wasn’t at home, I was on my way to work. I left f****** instructions and told you over the d*** phone!”

    (Luckily for my niece it wasn’t a major reaction. The kid next to her at lunch had eaten a peanut butter sandwich.)

    You Shall Not Get Your Pass

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Staff, Teachers

    (At my high school if we have good grades we get to go to lunch for a half hour while those who have bad grades go to a study hall classroom. If we have good grades we have to have a hall pass signed by a teacher with our grades. I forgot mine on the day that I had a substitute so I go to the office.)

    Me: “I forgot my hall pass. May I have a note to go home so I can get it? I live really close.”

    Office Staff: “Where is your hall pass?”

    Me: “At home. I just said that I need to go get it.”

    Office Staff: “Oh. Well you need your hall pass.”

    Me: “I need my hall pass so I can go get my hall pass?”

    Office Staff: “Yes.”

    Me: “Um.. okay.”

    (I go to a security guard.)

    Me: “So, apparently I need a hall pass to go get my hall pass that’s at home. The lady in the office won’t let me go get it. May I just print out my grades to get into the lunch room?”

    Security Guard: *laughing* “That would work.”

    Seriously Enforced Nap Time

    | Irvine, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Staff, Teachers

    (I am working as a TA to receive my cost-of-living stipend while pursuing my PhD. I am teaching a review session for an upcoming exam, and discussing operant conditioning with my class.)

    Me: “So, say we have a first-grader who keeps getting out of their seat, and we want to find some way to encourage him to stay seated during class. What can we do?”

    Student: “Tranquilize him?”

    Me: “…I guess.”

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