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  • October's Theme Of The Month: Literally Illiterate!

    Category: Staff

    Finding The Alco-loop-hole

    | Princeton, NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Dorms, Food & Drink, Staff

    (It’s the first week of my freshman year, and I’m at a party with my RA and some of my hall-mates.)

    RA: “As your RA, I’m not allowed to give you any alcohol.”

    Me: “Okay–”

    RA: “Scott, get this man a beer!”

    Will Have To Address This Issue

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Staff

    (I’m attempting to put my dorm room up for rent for the summer, using the university’s official page to do so. However, I can’t find my address in the drop-down list provided. I head to the On-Campus Housing office to sort things out.)

    On-Campus Housing: “Oh, this is about your dorm? You want Off-Campus Housing.”

    Me: “But I live On Campus…”

    On-Campus Housing: “Yeah, you’ll have to go to them. They’re in [bottom floor of another on-campus dorm building].”

    (I head over.)

    Me: “Yeah, my address isn’t listed in the drop-down menu.”

    Off-Campus Housing: “And you’re sure it’s your correct address?”

    Me: “I’ve been getting mail to that address for eight months now, and my contract says [address].”

    Off-Campus Housing: “Well, your official address is actually [different number on adjacent street].”

    Me: “My official address isn’t the one listed on my legally binding contract, signed eight months ago, and at which I’ve been getting mail?”

    Off-Campus Housing: “Correct. Is there anything else we can help you with?”

    Burning Desire For Attention

    | NJ, USA | Health & Body, Staff, Teachers

    (One weekend my family and I are doing some grilling in the back yard; through a series of accidents I end up burning myself fairly badly on the wrist. It’s not serious enough to warrant a hospital stay, but the local EMO applied quite a bit of antiseptics and creams and wrapped it thoroughly. That Monday in school I get called to the guidance counselor’s office, and when I get there the counselor, the vice principal, and our Catholic school’s head priest are all waiting with anxious faces on.)

    Me: “Um… I don’t know what I did, but it can’t possibly be this bad.”

    Counselor: “You’re not in trouble, [My Name], but we do think we need to have a talk.”

    Priest: “Have you been having troubles at home, son?”

    Me: “Nnnnno?”

    Vice-Principal: “What about at school? Your grades are fine; you’re not under too much pressure to maintain them are you? Or having trouble with other students?”

    Me: “No more than average, I guess? What’s the deal here?”

    Counselor: “Well, we’re not allowed to directly pry, but we just hoped to get some understanding why you would do something so… drastic.”

    (I obviously must have looked as confused as I felt, when she nodded down towards my arm. At this point I burst out laughing and explained the situation, including pointing out that I had left the disinfectant cream and extra bandages with the nurse since it had to be kept cool and she had a mini-fridge for that. The vice-principal and the priest both breathed sighs of relief, but any time I passed the counselor in the halls or offices for the rest of the year she kept giving me looks.)

    Coping Without The Cabana

    | Richwood, WV, USA | Parents, Staff

    (My mother, a math teacher, has been moving furniture in her room to prepare for the end of school.)

    Mom: *to Principal* “I’m getting sore from moving all these tables. You think you could hire me a cabana boy to help me out?”

    Principal: “No, but I could put on a Hawaiian shirt.”

    An Electric Sense Of Humor

    | Cambridge, MA, USA | Staff

    (I am at a recruitment dinner for the PhD program, consisting of me (a current student), another current student, five prospective students, and two professors. Professor #1 is a new appointee, and is friendly but somewhat nervous, because Professor #2 is a type-A Nobel Laureate and one of the most respected in the field. Professor #2 is telling stories for about 15 minutes until there’s finally a lull in conversation.)

    Professor #1: “…So, [Professor #2], what’s changed the most about [School] since you’ve been here?”

    Me: *chiming in* “Besides electricity.”

    Professor #1: *eyes pop open*

    Professor #2: *laughs* “Have you guys met [My Name]? He used to be a student here!”

    (Thankfully, and unbeknownst to Professor #1, I had TA’d for Professor #2 and had a rapport of sorts with him.)

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