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    Category: Staff

    Will Have To Address This Issue

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Staff

    (I’m attempting to put my dorm room up for rent for the summer, using the university’s official page to do so. However, I can’t find my address in the drop-down list provided. I head to the On-Campus Housing office to sort things out.)

    On-Campus Housing: “Oh, this is about your dorm? You want Off-Campus Housing.”

    Me: “But I live On Campus…”

    On-Campus Housing: “Yeah, you’ll have to go to them. They’re in [bottom floor of another on-campus dorm building].”

    (I head over.)

    Me: “Yeah, my address isn’t listed in the drop-down menu.”

    Off-Campus Housing: “And you’re sure it’s your correct address?”

    Me: “I’ve been getting mail to that address for eight months now, and my contract says [address].”

    Off-Campus Housing: “Well, your official address is actually [different number on adjacent street].”

    Me: “My official address isn’t the one listed on my legally binding contract, signed eight months ago, and at which I’ve been getting mail?”

    Off-Campus Housing: “Correct. Is there anything else we can help you with?”

    Burning Desire For Attention

    | NJ, USA | Health & Body, Staff, Teachers

    (One weekend my family and I are doing some grilling in the back yard; through a series of accidents I end up burning myself fairly badly on the wrist. It’s not serious enough to warrant a hospital stay, but the local EMO applied quite a bit of antiseptics and creams and wrapped it thoroughly. That Monday in school I get called to the guidance counselor’s office, and when I get there the counselor, the vice principal, and our Catholic school’s head priest are all waiting with anxious faces on.)

    Me: “Um… I don’t know what I did, but it can’t possibly be this bad.”

    Counselor: “You’re not in trouble, [My Name], but we do think we need to have a talk.”

    Priest: “Have you been having troubles at home, son?”

    Me: “Nnnnno?”

    Vice-Principal: “What about at school? Your grades are fine; you’re not under too much pressure to maintain them are you? Or having trouble with other students?”

    Me: “No more than average, I guess? What’s the deal here?”

    Counselor: “Well, we’re not allowed to directly pry, but we just hoped to get some understanding why you would do something so… drastic.”

    (I obviously must have looked as confused as I felt, when she nodded down towards my arm. At this point I burst out laughing and explained the situation, including pointing out that I had left the disinfectant cream and extra bandages with the nurse since it had to be kept cool and she had a mini-fridge for that. The vice-principal and the priest both breathed sighs of relief, but any time I passed the counselor in the halls or offices for the rest of the year she kept giving me looks.)

    Coping Without The Cabana

    | Richwood, WV, USA | Parents, Staff

    (My mother, a math teacher, has been moving furniture in her room to prepare for the end of school.)

    Mom: *to Principal* “I’m getting sore from moving all these tables. You think you could hire me a cabana boy to help me out?”

    Principal: “No, but I could put on a Hawaiian shirt.”

    An Electric Sense Of Humor

    | Cambridge, MA, USA | Staff

    (I am at a recruitment dinner for the PhD program, consisting of me (a current student), another current student, five prospective students, and two professors. Professor #1 is a new appointee, and is friendly but somewhat nervous, because Professor #2 is a type-A Nobel Laureate and one of the most respected in the field. Professor #2 is telling stories for about 15 minutes until there’s finally a lull in conversation.)

    Professor #1: “…So, [Professor #2], what’s changed the most about [School] since you’ve been here?”

    Me: *chiming in* “Besides electricity.”

    Professor #1: *eyes pop open*

    Professor #2: *laughs* “Have you guys met [My Name]? He used to be a student here!”

    (Thankfully, and unbeknownst to Professor #1, I had TA’d for Professor #2 and had a rapport of sorts with him.)

    An Epi Epic Fail

    | Australia | Health & Body, Parents, Staff

    (My young niece has a peanut allergy and has an EpiPen that she carries with her. School rules require that all medication is kept in the office. My sister receives a phone call.)

    School Staff: “Your daughter has had a bit of a reaction at lunch time.”

    Sister: “I’m on my way. Make sure that someone uses the EpiPen on her. There’s a letter with it containing all the instructions. Use it now; do not wait. It’s going to take a bit for me to get there.  If it’s bad call an ambulance.”

    School Staff: “Yes, we have it here.”

    (She rushes to the school. It takes her about 15 minutes, speeding all the way. She arrives to find her daughter in distress and struggling with her breathing.)

    Sister: “I think we may need an ambulance if she’s still like this after her dose.”

    School Staff: “Oh, we haven’t given it to her. We were waiting for you to get here. You took your time!”

    Sister: *grabs EpiPen and injects her daughter* “What? She could have died in this time! I gave strict instructions that she gets it immediately if a problem arises and to call an ambulance!”

    School Staff: “Oh, we saw that you lived a few doors from the school, so decided to wait.”

    Sister: “I wasn’t at home, I was on my way to work. I left f****** instructions and told you over the d*** phone!”

    (Luckily for my niece it wasn’t a major reaction. The kid next to her at lunch had eaten a peanut butter sandwich.)


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