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  • Flipping Out Over The Desk
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  • Category: Staff

    Universal Danger

    | Pullman, WA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Dorms, Staff

    (I have been hearing all sorts of scary stories about how dangerous it is at the college I am going to go to. Among the stories is ‘there were 15 rapes in 14 days there!’ I am quite gullible, and rather apprehensive about leaving home. When I check into my dorm, the following conversation ensues:)

    Resident Advisor: “Do you have any medical problems we should know about?”

    Me: “No.”

    Resident Advisor: “Do you have a car?”

    Me: “No.”

    Resident Advisor: “Do you have a gun?”

    Me: “Do I need one?!”

    Maybe He’ll Be A Late Bloomer

    | Staffordshire, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Geography, Staff, Students, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in my students’ union as a receptionist. The university has two main campuses in a city and a town about 20 miles apart. I’m sat at work and a prospective student walks in.)

    Prospective Student: “Hi. Where’s the… Oh, it starts with a ‘B?’”

    Me: “Brindley?”

    Prospective Student: “No, it’s not that.”

    Me: “That’s the only academic building on this campus that starts with a ‘B.’ What are you here for?”

    Prospective Student: “I’ve got an admissions Interview. I’ve got the letter here.”

    (He hands the letter over. Sure enough he’s supposed to be at the other campus, 20 miles away, in half an hour. At the top of the letter it has the full address of the department including the town. Further down it has the time of the interview, the building, and the town the campus is in. At the bottom of the letter in bold capital letters it says ‘please note your interview is at [town campus] not [city campus]‘.)

    Me: “Okay, so you’re at the wrong campus. You need to go to [Town]. Did you drive here?”

    Prospective Student: “No. How do I get there?”

    Me: “Well, you can get the train and then a bus which will be at least 40 minutes or the bus which will take an hour but drops you off right at the campus. The next bus is due in a couple of minutes though.”

    Prospective Student: “But I’ll be late.”

    Me: “Give me your name and the interviewer’s name and I’ll ring and let them know.”

    (The guy says thanks and runs for the bus stop. I ring the other campus and try to explain the guy would be late without blaming him too much.)

    Interviewer: “Let me stop you there. This guy went to the wrong campus, right?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Interviewer: “I don’t know why we bother telling them the.campus in the letter. They don’t pay attention. Oh, well. I’ll see him but if he can’t follow simple instructions written multiple times then he better hope he’s some sort of genius at coding if he wants a hope in hell of getting an offer here.”

    Soon To Be Lonely And Jobless

    | CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Rude & Risque, Staff

    (We are in the middle of TA training. We had an exercise where there were various situations that a TA might encounter written on the boards, and everyone had to write how they think it should be handled. Most went smoothly, until…)

    Instructor: “Okay, next one. ‘What do you do if you’re in office hours and a student starts making sexual advances.’ Let’s see… Okay, guys, really? ‘Let them; I’m lonely.’ is NOT the correct answer!”

    Professors Don’t Read

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Staff, Teachers, Technology

    (I’m an admin at a large university. We’ve recently switched to a new website for online learning, and despite our best efforts, professors seem to ignore every memo on the subject.)

    Professor: “I can’t see any of my courses for next semester online!”

    Me: “Are you looking on the new website, at [new site]?”

    Professor: “Yes. I’m on there grading students right now.”

    (I groan inwardly, knowing that students aren’t on the new site yet.)

    Me: “That’s the old one. Please go to [new site].”

    Professor: “I just told you, I’m already there!”

    Me: “What does your browser show in the address bar?”

    Professor: “[Old site]!”

    Me: “Then you’re on the old site. You have to go to [new site] for future semesters.”

    Professor: “Why wasn’t I told?!”

    Me: “It’s been communicated many times through announcements on [old site].”

    Professor: “Oh, I don’t read those.”

    Me: “There have also been emails to all faculties about it from several different departments.”

    Professor: “You can’t just assume that I pay attention to all my emails! You should have called!”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 14

    | UK | Books & Reading, Staff, Students

    (I am given the job of taking messages to students all over the school, telling them to see various teachers or return books. The highlight of my day is this:)

    Me: *enters a classroom of 15-year-olds* “Hey, I’ve got a message for [Name #1] and [Name #2]?”

    Student: “Yeah?”

    Me: *reading the message* “Okay. You need to return your Twilight books by Tuesday.”

    (The entire class burst out laughing as I quickly left the room.)

    From Not Always Right:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 13
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 12
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 11
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 10
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 9
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

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