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    Category: Staff

    The Smart(phone) Thing To Do

    | Bavaria, Germany | Staff, Students, Technology

    (One of my classmates is known for being addicted to his smartphone. One day he has to give it to our vice principal for using it on school grounds. After our PE lesson after lunch, he wants to get it, but the secretaries and the principal are gone. So, of course, he tries the janitor. The following happens:)

    Janitor: *opens vice principal’s office and holds up phone* “That one?”

    Classmate: “YES!”

    Janitor: “Well, now you know where it is.” *puts it back and locks the office*

    Has A Score To Settle

    | Denver, CO, USA | Exams/Tests, Staff

    Admin: “I just gave [Student] the science section of this practice ACT, and he totally bombed it. Can you look it over and see if you can figure out what he needs to learn?”

    Me: *special-ed and support admin* “Sure!”

    (After looking through the test, I turn to the answer key to check some of my answers … then I return to the office.)

    Me: “[Admin], can you show me how you scored this?”

    Admin: *flips booklet to back and rather scornfully points to the answer key*

    Me: “Um, but this is the science section… and that’s the answer key for the reading part.”

    Admin: “Oh! If you score it right, does he do better?”

    I Calculate That You Are An Idiot

    | USA | Exams/Tests, Staff

    (Despite being an honors student and having aced all previous standardized tests, I have been given extended time for said tests due to a minor physical disability. For this particular nation-wide exam, I am the only student in the testing center that day with extended time, so am sent with a proctor to a separate room.)

    Proctor: *patronizing tone* “All right, sweetie, do you have a pencil and a calculator?”

    Me: “I did bring a couple pencils, but my calculator has gone missing and there wasn’t time to get a new one. Might I borrow one, please?”

    Proctor: “Why didn’t you know to bring a calculator? You should have received an email about it!”

    Me: “My apologies. I did know, but lost mine.”

    Proctor: “Well, you’ll just have to borrow one, then.” *walks out of the room and comes back a minute later with a calculator* “So, does this fit the exam guidelines?”

    (Said guidelines are on the paper in front of her, which I only happen to know by chance, and which most students don’t take the time to research.)

    Me: “Yes.”

    Proctor: *reads aloud from instructions* “‘Students are to use a scientific calculator of any kind, or one of the specified graphing calculators from the list below.’ It’s not on the list, so you can’t use it! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

    Me: “This is a scientific calculator, actually. I may use it.”

    Proctor: “Stop being so rude, and listen to me. YOU CAN’T USE IT!”

    (She leaves again, this time returning with a graphing calculator.)

    Proctor: “Here, it says you can use a graphing calculator. Now, let’s get started. Fill out you name, date, address… Wait, WHY IS IT ALREADY FILLED OUT?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I filled it out as you were listing what I should be writing.”

    Proctor: “Well, you’re not allowed to go ahead. Anyways, I need you to sign— Stop waiting, just do it!”

    Finding The Alco-loop-hole

    | Princeton, NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Dorms, Food & Drink, Staff

    (It’s the first week of my freshman year, and I’m at a party with my RA and some of my hall-mates.)

    RA: “As your RA, I’m not allowed to give you any alcohol.”

    Me: “Okay–”

    RA: “Scott, get this man a beer!”

    Will Have To Address This Issue

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Staff

    (I’m attempting to put my dorm room up for rent for the summer, using the university’s official page to do so. However, I can’t find my address in the drop-down list provided. I head to the On-Campus Housing office to sort things out.)

    On-Campus Housing: “Oh, this is about your dorm? You want Off-Campus Housing.”

    Me: “But I live On Campus…”

    On-Campus Housing: “Yeah, you’ll have to go to them. They’re in [bottom floor of another on-campus dorm building].”

    (I head over.)

    Me: “Yeah, my address isn’t listed in the drop-down menu.”

    Off-Campus Housing: “And you’re sure it’s your correct address?”

    Me: “I’ve been getting mail to that address for eight months now, and my contract says [address].”

    Off-Campus Housing: “Well, your official address is actually [different number on adjacent street].”

    Me: “My official address isn’t the one listed on my legally binding contract, signed eight months ago, and at which I’ve been getting mail?”

    Off-Campus Housing: “Correct. Is there anything else we can help you with?”

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