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  • All Bad Things
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  • Category: Rude & Risque

    Not A Clean Cut

    | London, England, UK | Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Students, Technology

    (Our media class has been working on a project for almost a year, and the deadline for submission is in a couple of weeks. The task we have been set is to plan, film, and edit a music video for our favourite song. Although most of the class have pretty much finished the project, one or two of my classmates decided to leave everything (including the filming) to the last minute, and as a result are rushed and stressed as the deadline approaches. As I’ve used the editing software before I’m the person that people come to for help if our teacher is busy. One of the girls who I know has fallen behind on her project comes over to my computer during a lesson. Note that although we know each other from being in the class for two years, we’re not close friends.)

    Classmate: “Hey, [My Name], you’re good with computers, right?”

    (At this point, I’m busy writing the concluding paragraph for another part of the project, and I’m not in the best mood due to having lost a lot of my work when my computer crashed.)

    Me: *sighing and turning my chair to face her* “Sure. What is it?”

    Classmate: “Uh, do you know if you can cut a part out of a video using [editing software we don't have in class]?”

    (Although I’m experienced in [school editing software], I’m not familiar with the software she’s talking about.)

    Me: “Well, I’ve never used it, so I don’t really know. Have you got the video on a flash drive? I can upload it to my computer and crop it for you.”

    Classmate: *shaking head vigorously* “No, I really need to know how to do it on [editing software we don't have in class].”

    Me: “We don’t even have that program on the school system. It’s no problem. I can crop it for you if you tell me where it needs to be cut.”

    (My classmate then drops her voice to little more than a whisper.)

    Classmate: *whispering* “I, uh, can’t let you look at the footage until I’ve cut it.”

    Me: “Well, can’t [Teacher] help you?”

    Classmate: *shouts* “NO!”

    Me: “…uh, sorry?”

    Classmate: *drops voice back down to a whisper again* “I, um, really can’t let [Teacher] see this. There’s… inappropriate bits.”

    (At this point, I’ve gone beyond confused and am losing patience with my classmate.)

    Classmate: “It was an accident! I mean, um… look, can you just cut the last thirty seconds of this footage?” *hands me her flash drive* “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

    (I was understandably apprehensive about opening this file, so I waited until I got home to take a look at the footage. What did I find? My classmate had filmed over an hour of continuous footage before turning the camera to the floor to try and find the ‘stop recording’ button. Unfortunately, it looked like she’d chosen that day to, uh, film without any clothes on! I cut the last thirty seconds and gave the flash drive back to her the next day. Needless to say we avoided eye contact for the rest of the year!)

    Take You For A Wild Ride

    | Taipei, Taiwan | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (I am explaining subject-verb agreement in English using sentences I make up as examples. I write down ‘My sisters like horses.’)

    Me: “What does this say?”

    Student: “My sisters like w*****?”

    (I start and turn around to discover I forgot to write the middle “s” in horses.)

    Me: “Whoops! My mistake!”

    (I quickly add in the middle ‘s’ and thankfully the students don’t ask what ‘hores’ means.)

    Nailing Bad Language

    | Newburgh, IN, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (I’m at a camp for editing film. One of the counselors is having problems.)

    Counselor: “Ah, screw it.”

    Friend: “Whoa, language!”

    Counselor: “It’s not like it’s bad to say that. What, should I say ‘nail’ it? Some other kind of tool? Come on, guys. We’ve all screwed stuff and nailed stuff before.”

    (We couldn’t contain our laughter!)

    A Show Stopper

    | Forest Grove, OR, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Students

    (In biology lab, a male classmate was looking at a picture of a certain anatomical part on display, with a very strange expression on his face.)

    Classmate: “What the heck is THIS?”

    Instructor: “That is an uncircumsized penis.”

    Classmate: “Ugh! Doesn’t look like mine!”

    Instructor: “Well, we’re not playing show and tell here!”

    A Starter For Sex

    | USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (I’m in a first-year Latin class. Today, we are reviewing cardinal numbers in preparation for a test. She calls on a student to recite cardinal numbers one through ten.)

    Student: “Tres, quattor, quinque…”

    (He stops, unable to remember the Latin word for ‘six.’ My teacher decides to give him a prompt.)

    Teacher: “A young man’s favorite subject.”

    Student: “Oh, sex!”


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