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    Category: Rude & Risque

    The Chalice Is Definitely Half Empty

    | ON, Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (Our German teacher has decided to spend three days’ worth of lessons having us watch foreign language films, none of which are in German. She pauses the French/English one during a scene where the French-Canadian character is teaching the English-Canadian character how to curse in Québec slang.)

    Teacher: “Of course, only the uneducated… or Québecois, would say ‘câlisse.’ The educated would say ‘shâlisse,’ from the ‘shâlisse,’ the cup used in churches.”

    (There is no such thing as a ‘shâlisse’ in French, Québec dialect or otherwise. It’s said with a hard ‘C.’)

    Me: “Uh, I’m not sure that’s right. Nobody says ‘shâlisse.’ My mom’s pretty educated, and she and pretty much every French person she knows says ‘câlisse.'”

    Teacher: *condescendingly* “Well, I learned this in second-year university.”

    Me: “I learned this when my mom dropped a can of paint on her foot. Definitely ‘câlisse.’ Tons of other words, too…”

    (Ironically, the same teacher taught French at our school. Kind of makes me wonder about the German we were taught…)

    Same Name, Different Junk

    | CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (I have a psychology teacher who is really intense during lectures in a hilarious way. He is known for giving out nicknames and using them for the eternity of the school year. We are playing a class jeopardy game where the student who answers the question correctly chooses to pick the person to choose the next question. I am male. There are two other females in my class with my name.)

    Student: “I choose, Female [My Name].”

    Teacher: “Female [My Name]? Do you mean [My Name] C.?”

    (Later…)

    Different Student: “I choose, Male [My Name].”

    Teacher: “Yes, the male one. The [My Name] with testicles. Hey! That’s a good nickname. You are now [My Name] with testicles, or [My Name] T for short.”

    (The female student with my name laughs much louder than the rest.)

    Teacher: *calling on same female student* “Okay, now you can answer a question, [My Name] V.”

    Plural Pick Up Lines

    | NY, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (We are reviewing possessives in French class.)

    Teacher: “The possessive depends on whether the noun is singular or plural.”

    Student #1: “Are you… single?”

    Teacher: *facepalm*

    Student #2: “Ooh! Ooh! Are you single? ‘Cause I’m single, and we can be plural together!”

    Teacher: “I. Am. Teaching. A French. Class… NOT A CLASS ON HOW TO PICK UP WOMEN!”

    Student #2: “Are you an angel? Because I’m allergic to feathers…”

    Teacher: “That’s not even how it goes…”

    Student #3: “[Student #2], it’s supposed be ‘did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?'” Mine is; ‘did you fall from a B14? ‘Cause you’re a bomb!'”

    Will End Up Working Vice

    | Sweden | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (We’re in English class and discussing what careers we want in the future. One of my classmates is rather bad at English, so she usually ends up saying something completely different than was intended.)

    Classmate: “I wanna be a prostitute!”

    (The entire class falls silent.)

    Me: “Do you mean a prosecutor?”

    Classmate: “No, a prostitute! I wanna prostitute people!”

    Me: “… I’m FAIRLY certain you mean a prosecutor who prosecutes people.”

    Classmate: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “Well, a prosecutor works with cops and knows a lot about the law. The prostitute is paid to have sex with people.”

    Classmate: “Oh. Then, yeah, I wanna be a prosecutor.”

    (The entire class lets out a sigh of relief.)

    Classmate: *under her breath* “But the other option sounds pretty fun, too…”

    A Hole New Way Of Spelling

    , | Jeffco, CO, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (A six-year-old girl comes up to the playground teacher.)

    Girl: “That boy called me a bad name!”

    Teacher: “What did he call you?”

    Girl: “He called me the S-word!”

    (The teacher and I look at each other a moment.)

    Teacher: “What’s the S-word?”

    Girl: “I can’t say it. It’s too bad!”

    Teacher: “Whisper to me then.”

    (Girl stands tippy-toe and whispers in Teacher’s ear, then trots away. Teacher turns to me with an odd look on her face.)

    Me: “What was the word?”

    Teacher: “S-hole!”


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