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  • November Theme Of The Month: Horrible Histories!

    Category: Rude & Risque

    Very Mammalian Behavior

    | OK, USA | Field Trip, Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    (I am taking a zoology class from a local college, consisting of five young ladies, out for a hike. They are to find examples of mammals, amphibians, insects, etc. and to identify habitats. Halfway into the hike I notice movement on the other side of the creek. It is a man and it looks as if he might be relieving himself in the woods.)

    Me: “Uh… ladies, look over here!” *points out a section in the opposite direction* “This area that holds small animals such as skunks and foxes!”

    (As we walk further, I notice this man stepping off the trail and into some brush. I watch carefully and realize with a start that he has undressed!)

    Me: *stopping the group* “Change of plans, ladies. We are going to walk back the way we came.”

    Student: “Why?”

    Me: “Well, there seems to be, um, someone across the creek on our path who, um, I really don’t feel comfortable passing.”

    (The girls all look over. He is pretty well tucked into the brush but as he moves around one girl catches a glimpse.)

    Student: “Can we put him down as a mammal, then?”

    Making Beautiful Music Together

    | Boston, MA, USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

    (We’re in a choir rehearsal, being led by one of the choir director’s graduate assistants. She’s trying to get the basses and tenors to see that their parts are in unison with the sopranos and altos respectively.)

    Graduate Assistant: “Okay, men, look at the lady parts.”

    (The choir director laughed the hardest.)

    We’re All Bigger People Here

    | ON, Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (In a sex-ed lesson, we are having a guest speaker. The guest speaker is showing us a slide show, and there’s one slide where the pictures and captions are small and hard to see.)

    Guest Speaker: “Yeah, sorry, they’re a bit small.”

    Teacher: “Size doesn’t matter in this class.”

    I Am Feeling Very Alcohol

    | Merced, CA, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (In English class one day, we are talking about synonyms and antonyms to “mix up” our writing for an upcoming essay.)

    Professor: “Who can tell me three synonyms for happy?”

    Student: “Sex, drugs, alcohol.”

    That’s Secs Harassment

    | Spokane, WA, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am the teacher in this story. As a substitute, I have been covering this class for two days already. The student body knows I am generally tougher on cell phones than many teachers, but that I can also be lenient, once their work is done. I can clearly see the work of the student in question on his desk.)

    Me: “Okay, [Student #1]. Please put your phone away, so I don’t have to take it, and get to work.”

    Student #1: “One second, Mr. [My Name].”

    Me: “No, you need to get to work. Everyone around you is finishing up, and you haven’t even started.”

    Student #1: “I know, just a sec.”

    Me: “I will take away your phone…”

    Student #1: “Just a sec, please!”

    Me: “No, we’re twenty minutes into class. You’ve had enough secs.” *I pause as I realize what I just said* “Wow, that came out wrong.”

    Student #2: “Yes. Yes, it did.”

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