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  • Third World Problem Solving
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  • Category: Rude & Risque

    Baby Boom Goes Bust

    | USA | Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (I am in 8th grade history class. Our teacher is an older, eccentric man with an off-the-wall attitude about teaching. We love him. Today, we are a little more rowdy than usual before the start of class. After failing to get our attention, my teacher tries a different tactic.)

    Teacher: “Let’s talk about sex!”

    (Everyone stops talking and just stares at him.)

    Teacher: “Sex… between your grandparents!”

    Us: “Ewww!”

    Teacher: “Fantastic. Now that I have your attention, let’s talk about the Baby Boom…”

    Flipping Out Over The Music

    | Houston, TX, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (I’m in beginning band and I play bassoon, so we practice with the saxophones. Saxophones keep screwing up a note involving the middle finger.)

    Teacher: ”Saxophones! Use your naughty finger!” *he starts to wave his middle finger around* ”SEE THIS?! USE YOUR MIDDLE FINGER!”

    Students: *burst out laughing*

    Being Late Is In Their Biology

    | Singapore | Rude & Risque, Students

    (In a one-hour chemistry lecture the lecturer is running through concepts taught so far. Roughly 20 minutes in she stops.)

    Lecturer: “YOU TWO! Come down here right now!”

    (Two guys, running really late, go down to the lecturer from the back of the hall.)

    Lecturer: “Can you two explain WHY you were late?”

    Student #1: “We went to the toilet…”

    Lecturer: “So, you two were late because you went to the toilet?”

    Student #2: “Yep.”

    Lecturer: “For 20 minutes?”

    Student #2: “Errrr….”

    Lecturer: “TOGETHER?!”

    (The lecture theater breaks out with laughter, and then, with perfect timing, a girl arrives late at that moment, adjusting her skirt. It’s at this point no one in the lecture theatre can keep it together, including the lecturer herself.)

    Lecturer: “All right, moving on from biology to chemistry…”

    Flawed Banter Grades Low

    | VA, USA | Exams/Tests, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (We are studying etymology, and the structure of languages trees. Our teacher is known for being informal and cool.)

    Me: “Gah! I can’t seem to remember the order.”

    Classmate: “Hold on, I’m in it…”

    Teacher: “Come on. There are only four things to remember. ‘Family, Branch, Group, and Language. After that you get creoles, pidgins, and dialects, but you won’t be tested on that.”

    Me: “I know, but it’s—”

    Classmate: “I got it! ‘Fat B****s Get Laid!’”

    Teacher: “Well, I guess that will do. Can I use it for my next class?”

    (It’s been four years and I still remember it!)

    Soon To Be Lonely And Jobless

    | CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Rude & Risque, Staff

    (We are in the middle of TA training. We had an exercise where there were various situations that a TA might encounter written on the boards, and everyone had to write how they think it should be handled. Most went smoothly, until…)

    Instructor: “Okay, next one. ‘What do you do if you’re in office hours and a student starts making sexual advances.’ Let’s see… Okay, guys, really? ‘Let them; I’m lonely.’ is NOT the correct answer!”

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