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  • Firing Up A Passion For Science
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  • Category: Rude & Risque

    Flipping Out Over The Music

    | Houston, TX, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (I’m in beginning band and I play bassoon, so we practice with the saxophones. Saxophones keep screwing up a note involving the middle finger.)

    Teacher: ”Saxophones! Use your naughty finger!” *he starts to wave his middle finger around* ”SEE THIS?! USE YOUR MIDDLE FINGER!”

    Students: *burst out laughing*

    Being Late Is In Their Biology

    | Singapore | Rude & Risque, Students

    (In a one-hour chemistry lecture the lecturer is running through concepts taught so far. Roughly 20 minutes in she stops.)

    Lecturer: “YOU TWO! Come down here right now!”

    (Two guys, running really late, go down to the lecturer from the back of the hall.)

    Lecturer: “Can you two explain WHY you were late?”

    Student #1: “We went to the toilet…”

    Lecturer: “So, you two were late because you went to the toilet?”

    Student #2: “Yep.”

    Lecturer: “For 20 minutes?”

    Student #2: “Errrr….”

    Lecturer: “TOGETHER?!”

    (The lecture theater breaks out with laughter, and then, with perfect timing, a girl arrives late at that moment, adjusting her skirt. It’s at this point no one in the lecture theatre can keep it together, including the lecturer herself.)

    Lecturer: “All right, moving on from biology to chemistry…”

    Flawed Banter Grades Low

    | VA, USA | Exams/Tests, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (We are studying etymology, and the structure of languages trees. Our teacher is known for being informal and cool.)

    Me: “Gah! I can’t seem to remember the order.”

    Classmate: “Hold on, I’m in it…”

    Teacher: “Come on. There are only four things to remember. ‘Family, Branch, Group, and Language. After that you get creoles, pidgins, and dialects, but you won’t be tested on that.”

    Me: “I know, but it’s—”

    Classmate: “I got it! ‘Fat B****s Get Laid!’”

    Teacher: “Well, I guess that will do. Can I use it for my next class?”

    (It’s been four years and I still remember it!)

    Soon To Be Lonely And Jobless

    | CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Rude & Risque, Staff

    (We are in the middle of TA training. We had an exercise where there were various situations that a TA might encounter written on the boards, and everyone had to write how they think it should be handled. Most went smoothly, until…)

    Instructor: “Okay, next one. ‘What do you do if you’re in office hours and a student starts making sexual advances.’ Let’s see… Okay, guys, really? ‘Let them; I’m lonely.’ is NOT the correct answer!”

    Those Kinds Of Film Aren’t Studied In A Classroom

    | Tonbridge, England UK | Language & Words, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Students

    (I am in a film studies class, and we are filling out a table based on the structure of modern films. The third column in the table is entitled ‘Enigma’, meaning ‘problem’. Also, one of the films being discussed has a tagline on its poster saying ‘The True Story of a Heist Gone Wrong.’)

    Friend: *pointing to column three* “What’s an enema?”

    Me: *turning crimson* “I don’t really think I shou—”

    (At this point, I notice the completely innocent look on her face and realise that she does not understand what she has just asked me.)

    Me: “It’s pronounced ‘eNIGma’, but here’s what you just asked me…”

    (I Google ‘enema’ and give her my phone. It doesn’t take her long to get the gist of the procedure, and she doubles over, laughing.)

    Me: *laughing* “Imagine! ‘The True Story of an Enema Gone Wrong!’”

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