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    Category: Rude & Risque

    Fifty Swings Of Grey

    | NY, USA | Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (We are in the intermediate swing class at NYU. We’re practicing a move called the whip for a dance called lindy-hop.)

    Instructor: *to the leads* “Be careful when you do this with your follow. If you do it too hard, it could hurt her shoulder. Ladies like soft whips.”

    (Needless to say, it took us a few minutes to stop laughing.)

    Transmission By Conversation

    | Queens, NY, USA | Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (One day a week students attend a seminar class where they learn about various topics. This particular seminar is on sex-ed. This school consists of students who are new to the country and do not speak English well.)

    Teacher: “Who remembers what HIV stands for?”

    (One student raises their hand.)

    Teacher: “No! You always give it to me! I want someone else to give it to me this time!”

    (A few students realize what the teacher said and start laughing.)

    Teacher: “Why are you…?” *realizes what he said* “Oh! You know what I mean!”

    Giving The Teacher The One-Finger Salute

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Students, Teachers

    (I’m in fifth grade and my regular teacher is out sick. We end up getting a substitute that turns out to be an obnoxious know-it-all.)

    Teacher: *holding up her hand with all fingers including her thumb extended* “How many fingers am I holding up?”

    Friend: “Five.”

    Teacher: “No, it’s four fingers.”

    Me: “But I think we all see five fingers being held up.”

    Teacher: “A thumb is not a finger. You guys must not be very smart.”

    (At this point we are all seriously pissed off.)

    Me: *holds up middle finger* “How many fingers am I holding up?”

    (I made a lot of friends that day.)

    Fluffed Up His Lines

    | King's Lynn, England, UK | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (Our English teacher does very odd things when bored.)

    Teacher: “Right! You fluffing miserable lot! Turn to page fluffing 120, or wherever we were fluffing at.”

    Student #1: “Sir, are you changing the word f*** for the word fluff?”

    Teacher: “Yes. Though I’m not sure if mother-fluffer works.”

    Handy With The Translation

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (I teach ESL students. For this project, each is required to give a short presentation about a borrower on a micro-loan site. This student is from Brazil.)

    Student: “I have chosen a woman in Vietnam who needed a loan to build an outhouse. She used the money to buy material. Her neighbours helped her but because they don’t not money, they can only give her a hand job.”

    Me: “WHAT?”

    Student: “They help her build. With their hands.”

    Me: “…manual labour. They can only give her labour. Hand job is something very different…”

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