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    Category: Rude & Risque

    Going For Broke(back)

    | UK | History, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (I am in my history class. We have recently started the topic of the American West. This includes things like the gold rush and cowboys.)

    Student: “So, was it basically like in Brokeback Mountain but with less gay sex?”

    Teacher: “… I wouldn’t really know how much gay sex there was.”

    Super Debase

    | USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (There aren’t enough substitutes in the building this day, so I’m covering a Spanish class. A student has been chatting with the two girls next to him since the start of the period instead of doing his work quietly like the rest of the class.)

    Me: “[Student], stop flirting with the girls and go back to work.”

    Student: “I’m working!”

    Me: “You haven’t even started the worksheet. If you can’t keep from distracting the people around you, I’ll have to break up this little ménage à trois.”

    (The class chuckles. Several minutes of silence, then some more whispers.)

    Student: “Miss [My Name]? What’s a ménage à trois?”

    Me: “Um… never mind.”

    Student: “But what is it?”

    Me: *circumventing the issue* “It’s French. This is Spanish class.”

    Student: “But what does it mean?”

    Me: “Trois” means “three”. Just go back to work.

    (More whispering.)

    Student: “Is i anything like Nicki Minaj?”

    Me: “… No.”

    (More whispering.)

    Me: “[Student], please stop talking.”

    Student: “What’s a Nicki Minaj à trois? Nobody will tell me!”

    They Scored An Eff

    | Gilbert, AZ, USA | Field Trip, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Themed Giveaway

    (We are at a practice event for an academic decathlon. We live in a very competitive state that has one team that goes to state nearly every year, and places quite well when they do. They were not invited to this practice event. My school is fairly new to the academic decathlon and as such is somewhat of a wild card. Our coach is also the cheer-leading coach and so we are known for being an energetic and outspoken as a team.)

    Hosting Coach: “If we all work together, we can compete against [high ranking team]. Individually we might not be able to, but if we work together we can take their trophies! We should have a team cheer! [My coach], as you are a cheer-leader, will you work on some cheers?”

    My Coach: “Sure, I can do that.”

    Hosting Coach: “Now all we need is a name for our collective team. What are your ideas?”

    Me: *thinking that everyone will begin shouting things* “TOFU!”

    (No one else makes a noise and an awkward silence follows.)

    Hosting Coach: “Well, we’ll work on that. For now let’s just work on studying.”

    (Fast forward to the state competition: There is a three hour break between the testing and when they announce the winners. We are talking to our coach who is a little tired after two days of testing after months of studying.)

    Our Coach: “So you guys promise not to tell the administration? Well, while you were testing, I was talking to the other coaches and someone brought up the ‘team name’ from the previous event. Anyways, we were trying to think of a cheer for ‘tofu’ and we realized it was really good that we didn’t name our team that!”

    Me: “Why?”

    Our Coach: “Because the only cheer we could think of is NOT appropriate. All I could think of was to spell it. You know, T-O—”

    Our Team: “F-U!”

    Shifty Spelling

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (Our economics teacher is giving us some last minute advice before our final exam.)

    Teacher: “Now, they won’t be marking you on spelling, but it’s a good idea to check it anyway. [Classmate], I’m looking at you here, because on your last test, you forgot a very important letter in the word ‘shift.’”

    Both Answers Contain Spurts

    | MD, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Students

    (We are reading ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’ and discussing symbolism regarding what the main character’s going through. The teacher asks what a good metaphor for his emotional growth would be, but no one answers.)

    Teacher: “I’ll give you a hint: boys go through more of these than girls—”

    Classmate: “Wet dreams!”

    (The entire class bursts out laughing.)

    Teacher: “Oh, my goodness!”

    (The answer was ‘growth spurts,’ by the way.)

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