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    Category: Rude & Risque

    Ogling Swings Both Ways

    | USA | Love/Romance, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (A young, very good looking teacher joins this semester and all the girls swoon after him. This is my first class with him and many of my other female classmates do the same.)

    Teacher: “All right. Enough of this ogling, girls. Listen up, now. I’M GAY! Okay?”

    (My female classmates were all disappointed.)

    Male Classmate: “Hey, teacher! I’m gay, too. Can I ogle you?”

    Teacher: “Uhh. Oh, dear. But no, don’t ogle me either. Please.”

    It’s Hard In Any Direction

    | USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (I’m working on social studies vocabulary with a group of students.)

    Me: “North, south, east, and west are the…”

    Student: “Carnal erections!”

    Me: “Okay…” *writes out the words* “CARDinal DIRections. Please, make sure you say all the letters in the words.”

    D For Detention

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am in year four – equivalent to the third grade. We are having our first sex ed lesson.)

    Teacher: “Okay, who can tell me what the name for this part is?”

    Classmate #1: “Oh! Oh! I know, Miss!”

    Teacher: “Yes, [Classmate #1]?”

    Classmate #1: “It’s the d***!”

    Teacher: “…no. That’s not the right name.”

    Classmate #1: “But that’s what my Mum says to my Dad.”

    Teacher: “Sorry, it’s still not the right answer. It’s actually not a very nice word, and you shouldn’t use it with people.”

    Classmate #1: “Why, Miss?”

    Teacher: “Because it’s a swear word, and we don’t use those.”

    (There is silence for a few seconds, as the class contemplates this.)

    Classmate #2: “Haha, d***.”

    Classmate #3: “D***!”

    Entire Class: “D***! D***! D***!”

    (Every single one of us was forced to stay for an hour after school.)

    Won’t Live It Down For 19 Years

    | Johannesburg, South Africa | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (In my first year of university I took a Spanish class. Having studied Latin for five years I figured this would be easy. However some words which are spelled the same way in both languages are pronounced differently. In this class the teacher is asking us to each answer a simple question.)

    Teacher: “How old are you?”

    Me: “Tengo diecinueve años.”

    (I use the Latin pronunciation which is a-noose.)

    Teacher: *barely containing his laughter* “Um, I think you mean años (a-nyoss), not añus. You just told me you have 19 a**-holes.”

    The Level Of Professionalism Is Bottomless

    | Amherst, MA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Rude & Risque, Teachers, Technology

    (The professor in this graduate-level course has just incorrectly written the general form of a 2×2 matrix inverse on the board.)

    Student: “The inverse is wrong.”

    (The professor tries to explain why he used the matrix inverse here.)

    Student: “No, the matrix. It has the wrong entries.”

    Professor: “Oh, that is embarrassing. Maybe I’ll just remove my pants to distract you.”

    (He did not, thankfully.)


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