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    Category: Rude & Risque

    Drugs For Both Sexes

    | WI, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (It’s math class and we’re all working on homework. The teacher is very laid back and is known for talking with students while he has us work. Somehow, the topic has turned to drug deals at school.)

    Teacher: “I just don’t understand why you would deal drugs in a school. The school can check your locker or car whenever they want. The only safe place to keep drugs is down your pants so if you smoke weed you bought at school, you’re pretty much smoking someone’s…”

    Student #1: “Penis?”

    Teacher: “Yeah, that.”

    Student #2: “Don’t be sexist! You could be smoking someone’s vagina!”

    Blowing Advertising Wide Open

    | Australia | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (We’re in a business law lecture, and our instructor is explaining false advertising.)

    Instructor: “Of course, most ads are not intended to be taken literally, so people can’t take legal action when the product doesn’t deliver what was ‘promised.’ Let’s look at this one, for example.”

    (He shows us a very old cigarette advertisement with the tag line ‘blow in her face and she’ll follow you anywhere.’)

    Instructor: “So, we have this ad: “Blow in her face and she’ll blow in yours.”

    (The whole class lost it, and the instructor was so embarrassed his assistant had to take over.)

    Living In A Very Protective Neighborhood

    | Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I’m about five years old and we are sharing what we will be doing on the weekend.)

    Teacher: “And [My Name], what are you doing this weekend?”

    Me: “I’m going to visit my cousin! She lives in a condom!”

    (I had mixed up condo with condom.)

    Banana Split

    | UK | Rude & Risque

    (In a biology lesson, we’re all aged about 13 and gathered round the front desk in the lab while the teacher discusses contraception. The desks have built-in sinks. It’s a slightly elderly building, and the plumbing can be a little eccentric. The teacher has just finished showing us how to put a condom on a banana, and is saying that they are very effective so long as they don’t split, which she illustrates by gripping quite firmly and pulling the condom down so the end of the banana punctured it. Just as she does so, there is a splashing noise, as the tap decides to spit out a bit of water.)

    Teacher: “Odd. Normally it just gurgles a bit.”

    Student: “I think the poltergeist liked watching you do that a bit too much, Miss…”

    (The teacher went scarlet and ran to hide in the lab tech’s room while we all howled with laughter for the last couple of minutes until the bell rang. I still can’t help wondering how a biology teacher with two kids could be that embarrassed about teaching sex-ed to a group of girls!)

    ‘D’ Grade In Maturity

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Rude & Risque, Students

    (Our male, older professor is talking about recoding variables for our biostatistics class.)

    Professor: “So one of the variables we have to recode is ethnicity. So, let’s go through this. Asian needs to be dummy coded. We then want ‘AsianD'”.

    (Some girls giggle.)

    Professor: “So for African American, we want “BlackD”.

    (The giggles get louder.)

    Professor: “So you get the point right? For Caucasian, we want ‘WhiteD.'”

    (The giggles get really loud.)

    Professor: “I know, I know. We don’t want to call anyone ‘dummy’ and those aren’t technically politically correct terms…”

    Me: “No, no, professor. That’s not why they’re laughing.”

    (One of two males in my class asks me:)

    Male Classmate: “Why are they laughing, then?”


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