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    Category: Rude & Risque

    Plural Pick Up Lines

    | NY, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (We are reviewing possessives in French class.)

    Teacher: “The possessive depends on whether the noun is singular or plural.”

    Student #1: “Are you… single?”

    Teacher: *facepalm*

    Student #2: “Ooh! Ooh! Are you single? ‘Cause I’m single, and we can be plural together!”

    Teacher: “I. Am. Teaching. A French. Class… NOT A CLASS ON HOW TO PICK UP WOMEN!”

    Student #2: “Are you an angel? Because I’m allergic to feathers…”

    Teacher: “That’s not even how it goes…”

    Student #3: “[Student #2], it’s supposed be ‘did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?'” Mine is; ‘did you fall from a B14? ‘Cause you’re a bomb!'”

    Will End Up Working Vice

    | Sweden | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (We’re in English class and discussing what careers we want in the future. One of my classmates is rather bad at English, so she usually ends up saying something completely different than was intended.)

    Classmate: “I wanna be a prostitute!”

    (The entire class falls silent.)

    Me: “Do you mean a prosecutor?”

    Classmate: “No, a prostitute! I wanna prostitute people!”

    Me: “… I’m FAIRLY certain you mean a prosecutor who prosecutes people.”

    Classmate: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “Well, a prosecutor works with cops and knows a lot about the law. The prostitute is paid to have sex with people.”

    Classmate: “Oh. Then, yeah, I wanna be a prosecutor.”

    (The entire class lets out a sigh of relief.)

    Classmate: *under her breath* “But the other option sounds pretty fun, too…”

    A Hole New Way Of Spelling

    , | Jeffco, CO, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (A six-year-old girl comes up to the playground teacher.)

    Girl: “That boy called me a bad name!”

    Teacher: “What did he call you?”

    Girl: “He called me the S-word!”

    (The teacher and I look at each other a moment.)

    Teacher: “What’s the S-word?”

    Girl: “I can’t say it. It’s too bad!”

    Teacher: “Whisper to me then.”

    (Girl stands tippy-toe and whispers in Teacher’s ear, then trots away. Teacher turns to me with an odd look on her face.)

    Me: “What was the word?”

    Teacher: “S-hole!”

    It’s Either That Or A G-String

    | OH, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (We’re in choir. Our director is telling the altos that the majority of them should not try for the higher note, and should instead stay on the lower note, a D.)

    Director: “Eh… most of the altos should take the D.”

    (The bass and tenor sections start snickering up a storm.)

    Director:  *glares* “Smooth.”

    Inappropriate Gaymes

    | ON, Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (My mom is a daycare teacher with kids aged two to five in one area of the centre. In another area there’s a before- and after-school program for kids aged six to twelve. They’re doing a games day, and are making signs for it. My mom goes to their room to talk to one of the teachers. A lot of the children had her as their teacher when they were little, so they know her.)

    Children: “Ms. [Mom], Ms. [Mom], come look at our signs!”

    (My mom looks at the painted banners, each with the name of a different game or event, e.g. Three Legged Race, Sack Race, etc. Everything is fine until she gets to the banner for the Capture the Flag game.)

    Mom: “Um… how did you make these signs, guys?”

    Children: “Well each person got to draw and colour in our letter.”

    Mom: *calls for the older kid’s teacher* “Did you proof-read these signs?”

    Other Teacher: “No. Why?”

    Mom: *points at the sign which should read CAPTURE THE FLAG, but is missing the letter ‘L.’*

    Other Teacher: “Oh, my gosh!”


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