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  • Flipping Out Over The Desk
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  • Category: Rude & Risque

    This Class Has Reached Its Climax

    | Manchester, England, UK | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (It’s the last class of the day on the first day back. Over the holidays we were supposed to each create a presentation on the same artist, and after that, different groups would argue points that are either positive or negative about the art. Not many people did the work, so the teacher ends up dropping the presentation part completely and just asks the opinions of the groups instead. Before we leave, the teacher takes a moment to talk to the class about the original lesson plan, and ends with this.)

    Teacher: “Well, I’m sorry we couldn’t do the debate. I know you were looking forward to it. But we did do it a little bit, didn’t we? Just not a mass debate like—”

    (A couple of students and I start giggling.)

    Teacher: “What?”

    Student: “Mass debate.”

    (Everyone else realises and laughs, too, including the teacher.)

    Teacher: “All right, go home.”

    No Endo To The Innuendo

    | Australia | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (We’re in drama class talking about various scenarios.)

    Drama Teacher: “… for example, hoeing in the garden.”

    (Two students laugh. I suddenly see the second meaning when the teacher tries again.)

    Drama Teacher: “Fine, mowing the lawn.”

    (The three of us crack up laughing.)

    Drama Teacher: “All right, baking a cake! Is that okay?!”

    (We all nod, whilst holding in our laughter. I don’t think our teacher saw the double meaning in the last one!)

    Not A Clean Cut

    | London, England, UK | Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Students, Technology

    (Our media class has been working on a project for almost a year, and the deadline for submission is in a couple of weeks. The task we have been set is to plan, film, and edit a music video for our favourite song. Although most of the class have pretty much finished the project, one or two of my classmates decided to leave everything (including the filming) to the last minute, and as a result are rushed and stressed as the deadline approaches. As I’ve used the editing software before I’m the person that people come to for help if our teacher is busy. One of the girls who I know has fallen behind on her project comes over to my computer during a lesson. Note that although we know each other from being in the class for two years, we’re not close friends.)

    Classmate: “Hey, [My Name], you’re good with computers, right?”

    (At this point, I’m busy writing the concluding paragraph for another part of the project, and I’m not in the best mood due to having lost a lot of my work when my computer crashed.)

    Me: *sighing and turning my chair to face her* “Sure. What is it?”

    Classmate: “Uh, do you know if you can cut a part out of a video using [editing software we don't have in class]?”

    (Although I’m experienced in [school editing software], I’m not familiar with the software she’s talking about.)

    Me: “Well, I’ve never used it, so I don’t really know. Have you got the video on a flash drive? I can upload it to my computer and crop it for you.”

    Classmate: *shaking head vigorously* “No, I really need to know how to do it on [editing software we don't have in class].”

    Me: “We don’t even have that program on the school system. It’s no problem. I can crop it for you if you tell me where it needs to be cut.”

    (My classmate then drops her voice to little more than a whisper.)

    Classmate: *whispering* “I, uh, can’t let you look at the footage until I’ve cut it.”

    Me: “Well, can’t [Teacher] help you?”

    Classmate: *shouts* “NO!”

    Me: “…uh, sorry?”

    Classmate: *drops voice back down to a whisper again* “I, um, really can’t let [Teacher] see this. There’s… inappropriate bits.”

    (At this point, I’ve gone beyond confused and am losing patience with my classmate.)

    Classmate: “It was an accident! I mean, um… look, can you just cut the last thirty seconds of this footage?” *hands me her flash drive* “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

    (I was understandably apprehensive about opening this file, so I waited until I got home to take a look at the footage. What did I find? My classmate had filmed over an hour of continuous footage before turning the camera to the floor to try and find the ‘stop recording’ button. Unfortunately, it looked like she’d chosen that day to, uh, film without any clothes on! I cut the last thirty seconds and gave the flash drive back to her the next day. Needless to say we avoided eye contact for the rest of the year!)

    Take You For A Wild Ride

    | Taipei, Taiwan | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (I am explaining subject-verb agreement in English using sentences I make up as examples. I write down ‘My sisters like horses.’)

    Me: “What does this say?”

    Student: “My sisters like w*****?”

    (I start and turn around to discover I forgot to write the middle “s” in horses.)

    Me: “Whoops! My mistake!”

    (I quickly add in the middle ‘s’ and thankfully the students don’t ask what ‘hores’ means.)

    Nailing Bad Language

    | Newburgh, IN, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (I’m at a camp for editing film. One of the counselors is having problems.)

    Counselor: “Ah, screw it.”

    Friend: “Whoa, language!”

    Counselor: “It’s not like it’s bad to say that. What, should I say ‘nail’ it? Some other kind of tool? Come on, guys. We’ve all screwed stuff and nailed stuff before.”

    (We couldn’t contain our laughter!)

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