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    Category: Rude & Risque

    Not Quite The Curse Of The Irish

    | Ireland | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (I teach Irish in secondary school. This happens in class, when I call on a male student.)

    Me: “Okay, can you translate this sentence? Bhí ar na daltaí dul amach. Remember, ‘bhí orm’ means ‘I have to’.”

    Student: “Er… I had everyone?”

    (Laughter.)

    Student: “Wow, that came out wrong!”

    Me: “Rothar an bhaile, nach ea?”

    (Thank god they didn’t realise that I just called him the town bicycle!)

    Happily Lost In Translation

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (My teacher has given us worksheets with some sentences we need to translate in Latin.)

    Me: “[Friend]! [FRIEND]!”

    Friend: “Wha?”

    Me: “Look at this! ‘Marcus watches the happy girls.'”

    Friend: “So?”

    Me: “So right after that happens, it’s ‘Marcus happily watches the girls.'”

    Friend: *slaps me*

    (When we are checking the worksheets, our teacher says this gem.)

    Teacher: “So, in these sentences, you can put the ‘happy’ wherever, but either way, Marcus watches girls.”

    Class: *laughing*

    Teacher: “Remind me never to use those sentences again.”

    Penetrated Their Mature Facade

    | Australia | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (We’re in a basic marketing tutorial, where we’re learning different marketing techniques. Our tutor is a young, trendy PhD student.)

    Tutor: “…and the final technique is penetration.”

    (As mature university students, we make an effort to hold our tongue and let him continue.)

    Tutor: “…We all spend a lot of time thinking about penetration, but unfortunately it’s not the kind discussed here. This isn’t Sexology 251.”

    (We all burst into the laughter we’d been holding back. Believe it or not, “sexology” is actually a real subject at my university, and apparently one of the most popular electives.)

    Sleeping On The Job

    | Field Trip, Rude & Risque

    (Teacher is us driving to a two day yearbook convention. There are about five girls and one boy.)

    Teacher: “Okay, when we get to the hotel, you guys will have two rooms for all of you. I suppose [Boy] should get his own room, but I don’t really care who sleeps where.”

    (Awkward silence as the teacher realizes what she just implied.)

    Teacher: “Never mind. I never said that.”

    Fifty Swings Of Grey

    | NY, USA | Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (We are in the intermediate swing class at NYU. We’re practicing a move called the whip for a dance called lindy-hop.)

    Instructor: *to the leads* “Be careful when you do this with your follow. If you do it too hard, it could hurt her shoulder. Ladies like soft whips.”

    (Needless to say, it took us a few minutes to stop laughing.)


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