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    Category: Extra Stupid

    Grades Going Down Gets You Down

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Teachers

    (We recently got a new maths teacher who apparently was used to a higher academic performance from her students. One day I walk past a building when I see her in a corner, crying and talking to another teacher.)

    Maths Teacher: *sobbing* “Everyone here is just so STUPID!”

    An Infinite Number Of Idiots

    | Oakland, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Students

    (In a sophomore math class, one of the students is having difficulty with the concept of infinity. The teacher has been trying for a few minutes.)

    Teacher: “Okay. Okay. Let’s try this. All numbers, all the numbers ever, are in this room. Okay?”

    Student: “Okay…”

    Teacher: “It doesn’t matter how big. They fit in here.”

    Student: “Okay…”

    Teacher: “So if I want to put this piece of chalk at infinity, what do I do?”

    Student: “Uh…depends where infinity is?”

    (The teacher opens a window and hurls the chalk outside.)

    Teacher: “That’s where it is. All the numbers are here. It’s out there.”

    Student: “Oh… now I get it!” *stage whispering to a friend* “But how do all the numbers fit in here? It’s a small room. Aren’t there a lot of numbers?”

    (The teacher looks exasperated, and then perks up.)

    Teacher: “Yes! There are in fact an infinite number of numbers! If you try to find the biggest one, you can always add more to it!”

    Student: “Oh! Okay!” *stage whispering to her friend* “How am I supposed to find the biggest number?”

    And He’s A Homo Sapien

    | OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (In a fourth-grade classroom, the students are 9-11 years of age.)

    Student #1: “Miss, she just called me a mammal!”

    Teacher: “Um… [Student #1], you are a mammal.”

    Student #1: *outraged tone* “What?! I am NOT!”

    Teacher: “Well… what are the characteristics of a mammal? They have live babies, fur or hair, the mommies make milk for the babies…”

    Student #1: “I still don’t think that’s right.”

    (It took another 10 minutes and a visit to Wikipedia before he was convinced.)

    Needs A Fiction Restriction

    | Ukraine | Extra Stupid, History, Students

    (‘Stierlitz’ is the lead character in a popular Soviet book series written in the 1960s. He is a Soviet super-spy working undercover in the Germany military during World War II. In more recent times, he is popularized as a main character of a number of arcade computer games, featuring barely any story save for a WWII setting. We are in fifth grade history class.)

    Teacher: “So, who knows who led the Germans in WWII?”

    (I raise my hand, expecting the whole class to do the same. However, the only other hand raised is that of a boy who hardly ever bothers to study. He’s really excited now, though, literally almost jumping out of his seat.)

    Teacher: “Yes, [Student]?”

    Student: *stands up, his face beaming with pride* “Stierlitz!”

    (I thought it was a joke. So did the teacher. We laughed. No one else in the whole class did. Apparently, the boy was serious, and no one else knew the answer. Or that Stierlitz is fictional, and on the wrong side, anyway. But the funniest part was that when I told this story to my neighbour a few years later, expecting her to laugh, she looked at me seriously and said:)

    Neighbour: “Well, he was right, wasn’t he?”

    He’s Almost Dead

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Students

    (My teacher was just going over a lab he did in college that shows how the heart is not dependent on the brain.)

    Student: “Wait. So if you’re brain-dead, your heart will still beat?”

    Teacher: “Yes, that’s what the experiment was all about.”

    Me: “If you were brain-dead AND your heart wasn’t beating, then wouldn’t you just be regular dead.”

    Student: “Oh, yeah…”

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