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  • August's Theme Of The Month: Best. Teacher. Ever!

    Category: Extra Stupid

    Up To Your Neck In Stupidity

    | KS, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I’m taking a basic first aid course as an elective in middle school. The teacher is explaining tourniquets.)

    Teacher: “You want to apply the tourniquet above the wound to cut off the blood supply to the wound and stop blood loss. For example, if the injury is to the foot, you could apply it to the calf, or if it’s on the forearm, you could apply it above the elbow. However, you want to be careful to…”

    Student: “What if it’s on the head?”

    Teacher: “What, the wound? Well, then you would first see if the victim is conscious and see if anything is sticking out of the head or if the skull is damaged. If not you’ll want to try to ebb the blood loss with pressure to the head with some cloth or gauze…”

    Student: “So you wouldn’t use a tourniquet in that case?”

    Teacher: “…”

    Student: “Like, around the neck or something?”

    Teacher: “No, it’s generally not a good idea to apply a tourniquet around the neck.”

    Not Expressly What It Means

    | Dubai, U.A.E | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Teachers

    (Our English teacher is on maternity leave, and a substitute arrives to take her place. Today, we’re learning about expressions and she’s assigned us a grammar exercise.)

    Substitute Teacher: “Okay, what is the meaning of ‘it’s raining cats and dogs?'”

    Me: *confidently* “It’s raining heavily.”

    Substitute Teacher: “Yes, it’s raining heavily for the cats and dogs. Now, the next…”

    Can’t Find The True North

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Students

    (My mom is grading quizzes that her students took today. She is a family law teacher. The questions usually involve describing a scenario, and then asking questions about it.)

    Mom: “Oh, my God. Read this question, honey.”

    (She passes me the test she is currently grading.)

    Question: “A man and a woman are married and have two children. They live in Texas. The woman moves up to Minnesota with the children. The husband refuses to come with, saying, “I’m never going up there to the North Pole!”

    Me: “What’s wrong with that?”

    Mom: “Keep reading.”

    (The next few questions involve whether it would be possible for the couple to get a divorce between states. The answer to the question she is pointing at involves how child support would be worked out.)

    Me: *reading out loud* “It would be possible to force the father to pay child support if he was in Minnesota’s jurisdiction. One way to do this is to tag him when he drives through Minnesota on his way to the North Pole.”

    That’s One For The Books

    | Albany, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

    (I was taking a class for my French minor, called Book into Film, where we study, as you may guess, literature that has been adapted into films. We were reading Emile Zola’s ‘La Bête Humaine’ (The Beast Within). I was walking to class with my professor and discussing the reading.)

    Me: “I’ve really enjoyed this book! It’s my favorite that we’ve read this term. Did they make a movie of it?”

    Professor: *pauses, looks at me*

    Me: *slaps forehead* “Please forget I just asked that!”

    Accelerating Towards Idiocy

    | Hyderabad, India | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (After a lesson on Newton’s law of motions, specifically on things like what happens when you throw a rock of a cliff at some speed, the teacher asks the class to solve some problems. Note that you need to use acceleration due to gravity (commonly called “g”) to solve the problem. Its value is 9.81 m/s2 while it is common to approximate it as 10 to make the calculations easier. While the class is working on the problem:)

    Student #1: “[Teacher], what is the value of g for this problem?”

    (Before the teacher could answer:)

    Student #2: “Ma’am, I calculated the g value as -28.”

    Teacher: “If that was true, you would be flying off this planet and I would not have to deal with idiots like you.”

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